(NB: This chapter is edited for NC-17 content. If you wish to read the unedited chapter, please click here.)
Marlena turned around, her jaw dropping slightly as she looked up at the façade of the hotel in front of her. Q took her hand in his and led her up the steps. The lobby of the Carlyle was small and understated, but the impression was of a subtle opulence. It had an exclusive European feel to it and an eye for detail could discern the elegant and expensive furnishings under the soft glow emanating from Tiffany lamps. Gene turned to her.
"Will this do?" he whispered with a smile. Marlena could only nod, her eyes wide. She followed him to the desk where the night clerk was on duty.
"Yes sir, can I help you?" The snide look on his face told them that he was less than impressed with their attire and no doubt by the time they had chosen to appear.
"Yes you can," Q wasn't about to let this spotty-faced pipsqueak ruin his night. He slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out a platinum American Express card. He laid it on the counter with a condescending smile. "We need to pick up the key to our suite. We checked in earlier, but you'll probably need the card to confirm."
The clerk nodded, disbelief plain in his eyes as he picked up the card from the polished wooden counter.
"I'll be right back," he managed a haughty smile before he disappeared through a door, no doubt to check the validity of the credit card.
Marlena looked at Q in amazement. She had never encountered this sort of treatment at a hotel before. He grinned back at her.
"Well, we're not exactly dressed to the nines. I guess they're not used to quite *this* degree of casualness." He indicated Marlena's clothing and she looked down. The knees of her white sweat pants were stained with grass and dirt, an adornment that seemed to travel all the way up her rumpled clothing. She chuckled ruefully, a blush seeping into her cheeks as she pulled her fingers through her tangled hair.
"Oh I guess not."
"You still look gorgeous to me," he kissed her forehead.
"I knew there was a reason I liked you." Marlena stroked his cheek with her thumb and then kissed him.
Gene's face broke out into a wide smile.
"How about we blow that moron's mind?" he asked her, indicating the door which the clerk had passed through.
"What? How?" Marlena had no idea what he had in mind.
"Just close your eyes for a moment," he entreated her with some excitement. Marlena looked at him, her eyebrows raised, and then did as he asked. She heard a small click and suddenly she felt the cool draft of the air-conditioning drift across her shoulders. She opened her eyes and looked at Eugene. He wore a tuxedo with a blue bow-tie. The sight of it evoked a smile as it called to long forgotten memories.
He took a deep breath, stunned at how beautiful she looked.
"Turn around," he told her in a low voice.
In the mirror before her she saw that her hair was now piled up on her head in an elegant french twist, tendrils framing the sides of her face. Discrete diamonds swung from her ears and nestled at the base of her throat. Her dress was a strapless creation cut from an exquisite mauve-blue satin. Rhinestones littered the straps of her matching shoes.
Gene walked up behind her and pulled the satin wrap closer around her shoulders. She shook her head, amazed and thrilled at the same time.
"I feel like Cinderella." He dropped a kiss on a shoulder that was lightly dusted with freckles.
"You look more beautiful than Cinderella ever did."
"Flattery will get you everywhere," her voice was husky as she turned around in his arms.
However, any further conversation was forestalled by the re-appearance of the clerk . He was looking at the card as he came into the room.
"Mr. Bra-" He was stopped short by the couple with their arms around each other. He closed his eyes and then opened them again. His mouth hung open as he stared at them. Only moments before, they had looked like they had come through an army obstacle course. But now... How had they had time to change? For her to look like *that*?
"Yes?" Eugene prompted the man as Marlena stifled a giggle. The clerk blinked a couple of times and then attempted to pull himself together.
"Um...." He looked at the card again and then handed it to Eugene. "Everything seems to be in order Mr. Bradford." He slipped a piece of paper onto the counter and Q quickly signed for it. Then he handed them a key. "Your suite is on the top floor. Enjoy your stay with us."
Eugene wasn't looking at him, but at Marlena when he smiled and said that they sure would. The clerk watched them walk to the elevator and shook his head. He was going to have to go back to his therapist because that was way too weird.
******
John walked wearily into his hotel and noted that the lobby was empty. He rubbed at his gritty eyes and pushed the button to call the elevator. It arrived almost immediately and he rode it up to the sixth floor alone. He slid the key card into the door and opened it to the darkened room. Closing it and locking it behind him, he threw his jacket on the chair and opened the mini-bar. He looked at the bottle of scotch and for a moment it was tempting, but then it was not tempting enough. More scotch would only give him a headache in the morning, and it probably wouldn't help at all. Instead he pulled out a packet of salted peanuts and went to the window.
Everything was still, the moon was still shining and the city looked deceptively innocent. Cabs slid past noiselessly denying any hint of vice. John sighed and walked back into the room. Dipping into his jacket, he pulled out his wallet and slipped out a worn picture of Belle and Brady. He lay back on the bed and held the picture in front of him. His mind traced the well memorized lines of his children's faces, the way their eyes sparkled, the joyous sound of their laughter. The love in their hugs.
He loved his children so much. Even the newest one. He loved the child already and wished again that he could tell Marlena the truth. But then, he wondered how much difference would it make?
******
Sami's eyes flew open with the loud thump. She held her breath and tried to hear over the howling wind. It was several moments before she heard another loud crash from outside her apartment. Her heart pounding wildly in her chest, she swung her legs out of the bed and onto the cold wooden floor. Pulling a robe on over her T-shirt and boxers, she crept to the door of her bedroom. There was a scraping noise from down the hallway. Tears of fear formed in her eyes as she moved noiselessly towards the front door. Her heart skipped a beat and the icy feeling of pure terror flooded her as her eyes focused on the slowly twisting door knob.
******
Q ushered Marlena into the lift before him and told the attendant that they were destined for the thirty-fourth floor. They stood side by side with their backs to the elevator wall and watched the numbers climb as they ascended the building. Marlena's hand strayed sideways, her fingers searching out and weaving between Gene's. The ride seemed interminable.
Finally the elevator doors slid silently open and they stepped off onto the glamorously appointed top floor of the hotel. Neither of them were particularly interested in appreciating it. By the time they made it to the door of the suite, Marlena was in no mood to wait. She'd been interrupted so many times this evening, there was only one thing she wanted and she wanted it right now
Before Q could get the key in the door, she was behind him on her tiptoes. Her arms curved around his shoulders and he felt her breath behind his ear.
"Hurry up and open that door would you?" she murmured, her voice loaded with anticipation. Q could feel her pressed up behind him and he almost lost his composure. He couldn't remember ever wanting her more.
With a shaking hand, he inserted the key in the lock and opened the door. They entered the suite and Marlena slammed the door behind them and leaned back against it, her heavy lidded eyes sending out an explicit invitation that Eugene couldn't resist. She shed her wrap as he came to her, framing her face in his hands before he claimed her lips in an explosive kiss. Marlena felt his tongue begin its sweet exploration of her mouth and she buried her fingers in his hair as she surrendered to the sensations that coursed through her.
Their love-making was brief and fevered, both of them unwilling to wait any longer than they had to. They both became aware of their own breathing as it settled several moments later. Marlena opened her eyes to find Gene smiling at her, his face reddened and damp.
"Wow," she panted as she brushed her own damp bangs from her forehead with the back of her hand and then leaned her head back against the wall. He bowed his head and laid a trembling kiss on the side of her neck before murmuring something against her cooling skin. "Hmmm...?" She hadn't caught what he'd said.
Q looked at her, a sudden measure of embarrassment in his eyes.
"It doesn't matter," he answered, not meeting her eyes, but drawing a finger down the beaded moisture that laced her temple.
"Gene," she wasn't about to be put off that easily. She caressed her palm down over the plane of his cheek and the more angular curve of his jaw until she was holding his chin and looking into the eyes that were almost a darker reflection of her own. "Please tell me."
He took a deep breath, trying to fight back the surge of emotion that threatened to strangle his response in his throat. When she looked at him like that, the love he felt for her was completely overwhelming and it sometimes caught him by surprise. She was like a drug to him and he couldn't get enough. He had almost completely abandoned all thoughts of the future, all that was important to him was to have her in his arms and to see that beautiful smile transform her face. All he wanted was to make her happy. In doing so, it turned out she was giving him something he thought he had lost forever.
"Gene?" she was starting to look concerned so he smiled and lifted his finger to her lips.
"Let's get a little more comfortable," he suggested as he backed away from the wall and carried Marlena into the bedroom. He laid her gently on the cool cotton sheets and pulled the cream chintz comforter over as he slipped into the bed beside her.
She didn't say anything, but propped herself up on her elbow and stared at him. A smile ghosted his lips.
"You don't give up do you?" It was her turn to grin.
"You always told me I was too stubborn for my own good."
"Nice to know that some things don't change." He began to play with her fingers, tracing each one down to a perfectly manicured nail.
Marlena watched him with a hint of curiosity.
"No some things don't do they?" She remembered that he had always found it easier to avoid the subject of his feelings. He was so sweet and sensitive that wearing his heart on his sleeve had always led to pain for him. So he had developed the slightly goofy demeanor that had served as quite an adequate shield, protecting him to some degree from pain and heartache. And yet it seemed that he had spent all this time since, perfecting the art of avoidance. And if what he had told her over the last few months was true, he had later used arrogance and even cruelty as his weapon of choice until he no longer let anyone behind the façade that he had skillfully created. Until they had sent him back to her.
She watched him stroke his fingers up her arm, raising little bumps of gooseflesh as he went. She couldn't imagine him being anyone but Gene. She couldn't imagine him wreaking havoc just for the sake of it, she couldn't imagine him being cruel just to provoke a reaction, but then she realized, she didn't know what he'd been through since he'd been here last. It was just another thing he refused to talk about. She saw hints of it from time to time, but never when they were alone, or with the children. Then he was just her Eugene, her friend and confidant, and now her lover. She hadn't been lying when she had told him that she loved him, and she hoped that now he could trust her enough to tell her what he obviously had wanted to.
"Gene," she whispered, "I know you find it hard to open up, but honey, you know how I feel about you. You know I'm not going to hurt you." She caught his eyes with hers. "Do you trust me?"
He nodded his head, but for a moment she saw a flicker in his eyes that she wasn't sure how to read.
"It wasn't a big deal, really Marlena."
It wasn't that he had said anything really embarrassing, but now she was making a big deal of it he, for some reason, felt shy. He found it very difficult to tell her how he felt and he didn't like to discuss his life in the continuum with her, because, with her he was a completely different person and he found now that he didn't particularly like the old Q.
He smiled as he looked back up at her. She had that stubborn look on her face that he knew meant that she wouldn't let this go. He knew her to well to be in any doubt of that.
"All I said was thank-you," he looked down again.
"Thank-you?" She sounded a little confused. "What for?" He took her hand in his and kissed her palm before he looked at her with darkly serious eyes.
"For being you. For caring about me. For that beautiful smile that brings out the sun and the stars all at once." He felt his heart thumping as her eyes began to brim. "I want to thank you for making me remember what it's like to be alive again." He lifted their entwined hands and stared at them for a long moment. "You can't understand what it's like to be immortal. To live for so many years that you no longer have a reason to live. To exist merely for the sake of existing. It's cold and it's very lonely. You lose your soul when the joy dies."
"Oh Gene," tears spilled through Marlena's lashes. She had never stopped to think what it must mean, and he had never ventured to tell her before. "I..."
He looked up at her with a smile that hid the centuries of isolation
"It's okay. Really it is. Because you've given it back to me. The love and the joy." Marlena felt her heart aching for him and for herself as the tenderness shone from his eyes. "I never dared to believe I could feel like this ever again. So I just wanted to thank you."
Marlena shook her head as she loosened her hand and brushed the wetness from her cheeks.
"I didn't have any idea...." she reached out an unsteady hand to him, her fingertips brushing his cheek, "I'm sorry Gene."
"Please don't Marlena." He caught her hand and kissed it again. "What's past makes no difference."
"But it does," Marlena slid closer to him. "Our friendship and our relationship has all been about me. You've been helping me and I haven't stopped to ask you the first thing about your life. I have hardly stopped to wonder." Her tears began to fall again. "Can you forgive me for being so selfish?"
"Selfish?" Q looked at her incredulously. "Sweetheart, you're about the most *unselfish* person I've ever known." He brushed her tears away with his fingers. "If you remember, I haven't exactly been willing to volunteer information. I don't really see the need to revisit it. What's happening now is far more important to me and I'd prefer to keep it that way." He leaned over to her and tenderly kissed her on the nose. "Okay?" She looked at him for a moment. His eyes told her it was what he really wanted. He wanted his past to remain a closed book and that was the way she would leave it. For now.
Slowly she nodded her head and he smiled with a hint of relief.
"Good," he traced her lower lip with his index finger. "Because I can think of things I would much rather be doing right now."
******
The doorknob came to its full zenith and the door rattled in its frame. Sami watched, frozen to the spot as the intruder tried again. Shaking herself out of the trance, she looked around, hoping to see something that she could use as a weapon. The door rattled again, more violently this time and she automatically whipped around to check it. In doing so, she lost her balance and fell heavily against the hall chair which went crashing to the ground. Sami cursed loudly as she followed the piece of furniture. It was a moment before she heard the silence from outside the doorway. It was followed by the thump of footfalls as the intruder seemingly ran back down the corridor.
Sami rubbed her shin and brushed the tears angrily from her face. This was getting to be way too much. She pulled herself up off the floor and limped into the living room. She picked up the phone and dialed the number automatically. Austin's sleepy voice answered.
"Austin," her voice was trembling and she was on the verge of a fresh bout of tears. "Austin, someone just tried to break into my apartment."
"Sami?" Austin discerned through a haze of early morning sleep.
"Austin, I'm really scared he might come back." She felt almost hysterical, but she was just managing to hold it together.
"For god's sake Sami, get over it." Sami was shocked to hear the angry tone of Austin's voice. "Stop playing your pathetic little games and let me get some sleep. Goodbye."
Sami looked at the phone in shock as there was a click followed by a loud dial-tone. She stared at it for just a moment longer and then slammed the receiver back in its cradle.
"How *dare* you!" she yelled at the phone. She couldn't believe he would treat her like that. It didn't even occur to her that maybe she had cried wolf one too many times and she was now paying the price.
She bit on her lip and plumped down on the sofa, one leg crossed under her. She looked around the apartment with haunted eyes wondering what to do next. She thought about calling the police but nixed it after realizing that there was probably nothing they could do anyway.
Her next thought was to call the pub and ask her grandparents if she could stay with them for the night. She even started to pick up the phone but the next moment she pulled her hand away. She wouldn't let him drive her out of her home. She was stronger than that and she could deal with this on her own.
******
John dialed the number and waited while the phone rang. It was late, he knew but he just had to make sure the kids were okay. Shawn Brady answered with a bleary "hello".
"Shawn?" John fingered the picture of Belle and Brady. "Hi, it's John."
"John?" Shawn's voice suddenly took on an alertness that it hadn't had before. "Where are you boy?"
"In New York but I'm planning to come home tomorrow."
"Well it's a relief to hear from you," Shawn admitted. "We were starting to wonder what had happened to you."
"Sorry," John suddenly realized that, thanks to his own pity party, he had skipped town with almost no word, leaving his children and their grandparent's with no idea where he was or when he was due back. "Something came up and I had to leave unexpectedly. I should have called and let you know where I was." He paused, still holding the picture of his children. "Are Belle and Brady okay?"
"Yes, the kiddies are just fine, but they're missing their Daddy," His tone was a little uncertain. Caroline had, of course told him about the scene in the penthouse at the weekend that had occurred after he had taken the children downstairs. But that left him in an awkward situation now. He wasn't sure how much he should tell John, or if he should even mention it all.
John negated the need for a decision as he spoke, his voice a touch acerbic.
"Yeah well, I'm sure they're missing their Mom too. That's why I'm cutting my trip short. I'm going to have my car driven back to Salem and I'll fly in tomorrow on the earliest flight I can get." He consulted his watch. "Tell the kids I love them very much and that I'll see them tomorrow morning." A sudden smile crossed his lips. "And would you tell them I'll have a little surprise for them," he added.
"Okay," Shawn could sense the undercurrents that flowed through John's words, but was unable to decipher the meaning behind them. Smothering the questions that burned in his throat he accepted John's words at face value and told him that he would let the children know as soon as they awoke.
John thanked him again and they said quiet good-byes before the line was broken. John yawned and rubbed at the itchy stubble on his chin again. With another quick glance at his watch, he picked up the phone again and dialed the operator, looking for flight information.
******
Marlena awoke with a jolt to find her pulse racing. Already, she couldn't remember the dream that had unsettled her so much. She looked at Eugene and found to her relief that his eyes were closed and she hoped he was sleeping. After their conversation, they had made love again, this time with a slow and loving tenderness that had taken them well into the night. But still, haunted by the look in Gene's eyes earlier, Marlena was finding sleep elusive.
Carefully, she sat up in the bed and hugged her knees as she watched the rise and fall of his chest. She reached out and laid her fingers lightly over his. They had been through so much separately and together, she just wished he'd share more of his past with her. She felt a twinge of guilt as she thought about his earlier revelations but then brushed it aside. He hadn't told her in order to foster any sense of guilt and she knew that there really was no reason for her to feel responsible. Maybe it was just so ingrained by now that it was an automatic response.
She sighed gently and then froze as Gene murmured in his sleep before kicking off what was left of the sheet. He settled again and Marlena smiled as his face relaxed in slumber. Lifting her hand off his, she drew the rumpled sheet around her and with care, slipped off the bed. The sheet trailed behind her as she tiptoed out of the bedroom and into the living room of the suite. It was a stunning room, but Marlena barely noticed it as she made her way to the french doors that opened out onto a small balcony. All she wanted right now was some fresh air.
Holding the sheet around her with one hand, she unlocked the door and opened it. It swung open with a soft creaking and Marlena stepped into the frigid early morning air. With a shiver, she retreated to the safety of the doorway where the air-conditioning was warm on her shoulders but from where she could still gaze over the drowsy city. The lights winked in front of her as she leaned back against the doorframe.
She was lost in her thoughts when the touch on her shoulder made her jump. She turned around to find a robed Gene watching her with concerned eyes.
"Trouble sleeping?" he asked. She smiled ruefully and nodded her head. He said nothing in return, not wanting to press her any further. Instead, he just stroked his thumb over the light freckles that dusted her shoulders.
It was only a moment before her hand found his and drew it over her shoulder. He slipped his other arm around her and she leaned back into his embrace with a noiseless sigh, her arms tucked under his. He brushed her neck with a kiss and then pressed his cheek against hers as they gazed out over a city which was awakening to the promise of a new day.
John yawned as he stepped into the loft. It was still early. The Salem sky had greeted him with a blazing crimson sunrise as he stepped off the hired jet, the birds working up to a dawn warble. The streets had been near to silent as the weary cabbie had driven him back to the building he called home. His intention had been to have a shower before throwing a few clean clothes into another bag and heading over to the pub. But he hadn't been counting on what he was now seeing as he surveyed the loft.
The living room was full of furniture, especially baby furniture and what looked like boxes of kit-set furniture that was yet to be assembled. Kristen's boxes of belongings were strewn from one end of the room to the other and John dreaded to think what he might find upstairs. He took a deep breath, trying to restrain himself from throwing something across the room. This was all he needed.
His patience was worn thin by the events of the last week, and he just prayed Kristen was not here right now. He presence might well be enough to goad him into something he might really regret doing. He rubbed at the beard which irritated his chin and considered the room. Making a decision, he picked up the phone and dialed. It was early yet he had no time to take care of this but now.
A sleepy female voice answered the phone. It was Nicole, his new assistant, a young but very efficient Canadian woman. He paid her more than enough to warrant waking her at this hour and John wasted no time in outlining what he needed her to do. It was simple enough. Have all Kristen's belongings removed by the end of the day and have the locks changed. Nicole asked no questions, only promised that his orders would be followed to the letter. John hoped so. He'd had it with incompetence. Putting down the phone, he picked up his bag and climbed the small staircase. He entered his room to find, to his profound relief that Kristen wasn't there. With thin lips, he dropped his bag on the floor and angrily pulled open the door to the bathroom.
He shed his clothes quickly and climbed into a scalding shower, letting the water wash away some of the tension and pain he felt. He tried not to think of Marlena, but she was always there, a potent presence in his life, possessing his heart, so that sometimes he could think of nothing else.
And now that he couldn't have her, now that someone else had her, it seemed a thousand times worse. John couldn't work out which of them he was angrier at. As the water washed through his coarse hair and down his face, he realized it was at himself. He had screwed up so badly, he had hurt her so badly and so many times, he just didn't deserve her anymore.
He quickly and roughly scrubbed his head with shampoo and rinsed himself before he turned off the shower and stepped out, dripping warm water onto the tiles of the bathroom floor. He grabbed a large white towel from the rail and wiped away the excess water before he wrapped it around his waist and walked back into the bedroom.
The bed was still exactly the way he had left it after his dream, and he stared at it, lost in dreams of what could have been. If only I hadn't been such a *fool*. If only he had trusted his own feelings, if only he hadn't been so stupid as to not see hers, he might not be standing here alone right now.
His silent self-castigation was interrupted rudely as he heard a small gasp from the doorway. As though in slow motion, he swung around to find Kristen standing there.
Marlena stirred, the crisp cotton sheets rustling with her movement. She slowly opened her eyes to find that the bed beside her was empty. In a moment of inexplicable panic, she searched the room with darting eyes. A wave of nausea rolled through her and she pressed the back of her hand to her mouth as she stared at the ceiling, willing herself to calm down. When it finally passed she sat up, holding the sheet to herself. Her relief was almost palpable as Gene walked into the bedroom holding a tray of breakfast.
He was at her side immediately that he saw the expression on her face.
"Marlena, what's wrong?" She could only manage a weak smile as she shook her head. Gene placed the tray on the night stand and took her hand. "What is it?" he asked her quietly.
"It was nothing," she felt slightly silly now. She smiled at him ruefully. "I just...I woke up and you weren't here. I don't know why, I just panicked a little I guess."
"You thought I'd abandoned you?" he asked with a small grin.
"No, I..." she shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know what I thought."
Eugene pulled her into his arms and hugged her to him. She rested her head against his shoulder and she felt the rumbling vibrations in his chest as he talked.
"You don't have to worry," he said soothingly, "I'll never leave you."
Somehow, that wasn't comfort enough for Marlena. She'd heard those words before, more than once. But each time, by whatever twist of choice or circumstance, they had eventually been proved wrong.
John glared at Kristen and she suddenly realized that she had made a terrible error in judgement.
"John, I.....I didn't realize you were back home," she said lamely.
"Obviously," he remarked scathingly. "What are you doing here?"
"I....." she couldn't think of anything to say. Besides the fact that her attention was completely distracted by the sight of his damp chest, she hadn't thought to prepare any excuse.
John stared at her for a moment longer not even bothering to hide the disgust on his face.
"I thought so." He turned his back on her. "I have things to do. Close the door on your way out."
"John honey, I...," the whine in her voice made John feel physically ill. He could no longer remember what he had once found attractive about her and her presence now only served as a stinging reminder of all that she had done to keep Marlena from him.
"I wouldn't waste your breath," he snapped angrily as he pulled on a shirt. "I have better things to do than spend another half an hour trying to get through to you that I am no longer interested in you. Past the child, I don't want anything to do with you Kristen, so would you please just leave now before I say something I may regret."
Kristen clutched at the door handle with whitened knuckles. She had expected him to be displeased with the idea of her moving back in, but she had thought that she would be able work him around with a little manipulation. The sinking feeling in her stomach was telling her she had been terribly wrong. Not only would she not be able to worm her way back into his affections now, with the vehemence of his response to her, she was starting to wonder if it would ever be possible.
Looking only a moment longer at the impassive barrier of John's back, she fled the room.
Marlena took the piece of watermelon from Gene with a smile and bit into the sweet, pink flesh. She laughed as the juice dribbled down her chin and dropped onto the stark whiteness of the sheet she was sitting on. Q took a napkin and dabbed at her with a loving smile.
"So, do you want to stay here?" he asked her.
"Hmm?" she raised her eyebrows.
"I'm asking you if you want to stay here longer. The day, a couple of days maybe?"
"Oh," she was immensely tempted. He had this wonderful knack of cocooning her from the real world, but unfortunately there were realities in that world that she had to face, like work. "I'd love to Gene, but I have patients scheduled this afternoon. I have to go into the hospital."
"So cancel," Gene waved his hand. "Tell the crazy people to come back another day." Marlena couldn't help the laugh that burst from her throat.
"Gene!" She wiped her hands on the napkin. "It's a very tempting offer, but I really don't want to lose my job. And besides," her eyes softened, "I'm really missing the children something awful."
Gene could almost feel it emanating from her as she spoke. It had been wonderful to have her all to himself, but if she was missing her children then it was really very simple.
"If going back to Salem and seeing them will make you happy, then that's what we'll do." He brushed the long bangs from her temple and kissed her forehead.
"It will," she smiled before catching him with a soft kiss.
"Eat up," he winked at her, "because I think we may have time for a quick shopping expedition before we get going don't you?"
"Shopping?" Marlena's eyes lit up as she grinned. "How can I say no to that?"
"Well saying *yes* is rather the point," he said light-heartedly. "I want to get you a couple of things before you get ready to click those ruby shoes."
The excitement was audible in Marlena's laugh as she popped a cherry in her mouth.
"Does this mean that we're not in Kansas any more?"
"Not if that makes me Toto it doesn't," he grinned before pouncing on her for a sweetly cherry-flavoured kiss.
John arrived at the pub as Caroline was lifting chairs off of the tables. She greeted him, with some surprise as she noted his unshaven appearance but she said nothing and he joined her in setting up the pub for the day's business. Caroline's indecision on whether to ask him about his trip was waylaid by the appearance of Belle and Brady.
"Daddy!" The little voices were in unison as they flung themselves into their father's open arms. Caroline watched the grin spread across John's tired face and smiled. If anything could heal the people she loved, it was these children.
"Hey there kiddos," he ruffled Brady's hair and planted a kiss on Belle's tiny nose. "How are my tiny terrors this morning?"
"They've been very busy coating Granpa Shawn with Cheerios from what I hear," Caroline laughed.
Before John could say anything in reply, Belle softly poked him in his beard. She scrutinized his face closely before turning his head side on. Finally her face softened as she brought him back to face her.
"We missed you Daddy," she told him with a sweet, almost shy smile
"You did?" John felt his heart swelling as he looked at her and then Brady. Both small heads nodded and John felt the tears prick at his eyes as he pulled them to him in a big hug. "Well I missed you guys too. An awful lot."
Finally, he pulled himself together and stood up with a child in each arm.
"So, do you two wanna know the surprise I have planned for you?" They nodded their heads enthusiastically. "I don't think I can hear you," he teased with a grin.
"Yeah!" Brady yelled.
"Tewll us Daddy!" Belle pulled at the collar of his shirt. "Tewll us the surpwise."
"Okay." John laughed as he shook his heads. "How would you two like to come with me to......" he paused for effect, "Disneyworld!"
"YEAH!!" Brady and Belle flung their arms around their father's neck and squeezed.
"Okay!" John crouched down and put them both on the floor. "You go and get ready as quick as you can." He patted them both on their bottoms, sending them on their way.
"You're taking them to Florida?" Caroline was serious now. "John, is that a good idea?"
"No," John shook his head with a wide but slightly fake smile, "it's a great idea. I haven't seen them for a while, this is the perfect opportunity to catch up with my kids."
"Don't you think you should at least discuss it with Marlena?" Caroline asked warily as she watched the smile fall from John's lips, his face freezing into a grim mask. "I mean, she hasn't seen them in a few days either."
"Well then, at least they'll be spending time with *one* of their parents," he said bitterly before he turned away.
Caroline could almost see the wall he was building at the mere mention of Marlena. Thoughtfully, she walked up behind him and laid her hand on his shoulder.
"John," she said gently, "Don't use the children to punish Marlena. That's not fair on them, or either of you for that matter."
John bit his lip as he tried to find an answer for her. He turned to face her, his expression neutral.
"That's not what I'm doing Caroline. I'm just spending time with my children. I'd discuss it with Marlena if I knew how to reach her." That was a lie and they both knew it.
"John honey," she took his hand in hers, her voice soothing. To her, he was still her son, she loved him like a son and she ached for him like a mother. "I wish I knew what to say to you. I wish I knew how to make this all better."
John took a deep breath and closed his eyes momentarily. Then he opened them and shook his head.
"So do I. Caroline." His eyes were almost grey and she could see his distress no matter how hard he tried to hide it. She had nothing to say, no words of comfort to give him. She knew what he had lost and how it was tearing him apart but there was nothing she could do. He looked down at the hand in his, almost as if he didn't see it.
"Just tell me one thing." His voice was hoarse and he swallowed, trying to ignore the pang in his chest. "Is she happy?"
Caroline's brow wrinkled as she watched the flashes of emotion on his face that documented his internal struggle. She sighed.
"I don't know John, I really don't know."
Marlena zipped up the side of her new lemon yellow pantsuit and, with a satisfied smile, she smoothed the lapels of the white blouse that she wore underneath. Fastening the new sapphire earrings to her lobes she admired them as they sparkled in the mirror. She was applying her lipstick when Gene came out of the bathroom. He came up behind her and smoothed the hair away from her neck before he kissed the warm fragrant skin there.
"Mmmmm," she smiled as his arms slid around her waist and he hugged her.
"What time do you have to be at work?" he murmured softly in her ear.
"Soon enough," she giggled as she twisted around in his arms. "So no, you don't get to have your wicked way with me again."
"Darn," he grinned as he slid his hands down over her behind. "I couldn't convince you?"
"Uh-uh," she shook her head as her hands slipped around his neck and she looked up into his cinnamon coloured eyes, "I do have a life *outside* this bedroom you know." He regarded her for a moment and then leaned down until he was almost kissing her.
"Party pooper," his voice was a low rumble against her mouth and she couldn't help but kiss him.
Finally she managed to tear herself away from his sensuous lips long enough to compose herself.
"Gene, I *have* to get ready for work if we want to go and pick up the kids first."
"Aww, c'mon, just a few minutes can't hurt." He leaned his head on one side. Marlena burst into exuberant laughter and batted him with her hand. That puppy dog look always did her in.
"Gene, *stop it*."
"Why?" He swooped in, kissing her jaw and down her neck, causing her to gasp in pleasure.
"Don't you like it when I do that?" he murmured as he dappled a trail of moist kisses along the neckline of her blouse.
"Oh no you don't," Marlena was feeling breathless and she had to physically push herself away from him. If she didn't, she was going to be in trouble really soon.
Gene grinned at her. He loved to tease her. He loved the way her skin flushed and the way she trembled when he touched her. He just loved her, there was nothing more to say about the matter.
"I don't?" he raised his eyebrows as a harbinger of what was to come. Marlena looked at the floral comforter on the bed behind her. It looked awfully inviting. Then she looked at Gene and suppressing a smile, she slowly shook her head.
He was a little too slow as she broke free of his grip and raced for the door of the bedroom, dodging the copious number of shopping bags that littered the floor from their morning spree. His laugh mingled with the echo of hers as he chased her out of the room and down the narrow staircase. Her laughter came in sexy gasps as he chased her around the table in the living room and then cornered her in front of the sofa.
"Shall we try that again?" he asked her with a teasing smile. Marlena could only laugh as she readied herself. When he lunged for her, she attempted to scramble over the sofa.
It was she that wasn't quite quick enough this time and Gene caught her foot and dragged her back down onto the broad, soft sofa. He quickly folded his arms around her as she shook with laughter and he grinned lopsidedly.
"I got you babe."
Marlena opened her mouth to say something but stopped when Gene's attention was diverted. Wondering what could change his demeanour so quickly, she turned around to find Caroline Brady standing in the open doorway of the penthouse.
John stared out of the small window, aware of the chattering of his children behind him but barely hearing it. They were keeping themselves amused with possible scenarios that they might encounter at DisneyWorld. Belle was convinced that she would meet her namesake there but Brady kept teasing her by telling her she was more likely to meet the ugly ol' beast.
A smile drifted across John's lips every so often as he caught snatches of their conversation, but mostly he was lost in his own thoughts. He hadn't talked to Caroline for long after their earlier exchange. There had been little more to say, except than to tell her he would bring the children back in a few days. And yet he had gained the impression that Caroline was none too happy about the turn of the events. Join the club. At least it was some consolation that he wasn't alone in his assessment. But still the more he thought about it, the more confused he became.
If she was happy, couldn't he just be glad for her? Couldn't he just do what she had done for so long and stand back, put her and her happiness first?
But the truth of the matter was, he hadn't really been happy. He had tried to convince her and he had tried to convince himself, to what end he could no longer say. Except that maybe the idea of losing her again had been too heartbreaking to contemplate.
Well, he could sure laugh at the irony of that now. In fighting his love for her so hard, he had seemingly lost hers forever. The benefit of hindsight was a grand thing, but only if you learnt from your mistakes. And even if you learnt from your own mistakes, was there any guarantee that others would not make the same ones?
John sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. This was getting him nowhere.
Marlena looked at Caroline for a moment and then looked back at Eugene, who was just about as surprised as she was. Taking stock of the situation, she put on a cool smile and let Gene help her up from the sofa. He took her lead as she straightened out her clothing and came around the sofa to where Caroline was sitting.
"Caroline," she greeted her with a small hug, "I didn't hear you come in."
"Oh Marlena," Caroline was terribly embarrassed, "I hear you calling out. I thought you might be in trouble, so I....." she looked sheepish.
"You let yourself in," Marlena finished with a slightly acerbic tone.
"I was just worried..." Caroline looked at Eugene and then back again at Marlena.
Marlena tensed, sensing the disapproval implicit in Caroline's stare.
"It's alright Caroline, I do have Eugene here to look after me you know." Deliberately, she turned around and reached out her hand to take Gene's. If Caroline disapproved, it only made her all the more determined to not let what everyone else thought bother her. Gene raised his eyebrows at her gesture, but went along with it as she pulled him towards her. Marlena turned back to her ex mother-in-law as she guided Gene's hands to where they rested on her hips. "So you really don't need to worry about me."
Caroline nodded her head, a diffident smile trembling on her lips. She felt awful, the last thing she wanted to do was interfere in Marlena's life. She, of all people had no right to pass judgement, but it seemed she couldn't help herself. This seemed wrong to her, no matter which way she looked at it. The worst thing was the way it was affecting her relationship with Marlena. The air between them seemed tense and strained and Caroline knew that what she had to say would only make things worse.
Marlena stood with Gene's reassuring warmth behind her and waited for Caroline to say something. She was in no mood to justify herself to Caroline or to ease the other woman's discomfort to any degree. So she just raised her eyebrows and waited.
Caroline searched the room with her eyes as she tried to find something to say that would change the tone of the conversation. She found it as her gaze alighted on the Saks bags piled at the foot of the steps.
"Saks? New York?" She looked back at Marlena and noticed for the first time the new clothes and the blue stones that adorned Marlena's ears and one finger of her right hand. Marlena smiled and turned to look at Q.
"Gene took me shopping," she said with a radiant smile before she turned back to Caroline. "We made quite a morning of it."
Caroline nodded uncomfortably still not knowing what to say. Marlena slid her hand around the back of her neck, rubbing on suddenly tense muscles there and looked away for a moment. When she looked back Caroline was still standing awkwardly in the doorway. Marlena sighed.
"We were just about to leave for the pub actually," she told Caroline. "We thought we'd pick up the kids and take them out for lunch and then Gene can bring them home while I go in to the hospital for the afternoon."
"Actually," Caroline took the opening, "that's why I came up to see you." Her discomfort didn't disappear, in fact, it only seemed to get worse. She fidgeted with her set of keys as she spoke. "Uh, John came into the pub this morning." Eugene felt Marlena's muscles tighten at the mention of John's name and his own heart thumped. Caroline continued, "he said he needed to spend some time with them. He's taken them away..."
"He's *what*?" Marlena spat, trying to control her sudden anger.
"It's only for a few days Marlena," Caroline tried to reassure her.
"He took them? Without asking me?" Marlena shook her head, willing the tears to stay at bay. She had been so looking forward to seeing Belle and Brady.
"I'm sorry dear," Caroline shook her head regretfully. "I asked him to talk to you about it but he said he didn't know where to get hold of you."
Marlena stared at Caroline for a minute and then, turning on her heel and disengaging herself from Gene's arms, she walked away. They both watched her walk to the balcony and then Eugene turned back to Caroline.
"She's really missing the kids," he said by way of explanation. Caroline nodded again.
"I'm sorry Eugene, I didn't come here to make trouble. I just thought Marlena should know that's all."
"I know you didn't," Gene could see the woman was already upset. While they weren't exactly the best of friends, he didn't want to make matters worse for her and the last thing he wanted to do was get in between the long standing friendship she had with Marlena. "Marlena will be okay. I think she's just feeling a little besieged at the moment."
"I...." Caroline was thankful for the lack of antagonism from Eugene. He had the potential to make this situation unbearable. But he wasn't and it was becoming obvious to Caroline why that was. She watched him turn to look at the balcony door with concern. She could see by his gestures and by the expression in his eyes how much he cared about Marlena. She suddenly had no doubt that he would do anything to make Marlena happy and she was glad for that. Marlena had had far too much grief in her life and Caroline knew how much she had relied on Eugene's strength in the last few months.
And yet, even though she was having these thoughts, she was almost surprised to hear the words coming from her own mouth.
"I'm glad you're here to look after her Eugene." Q turned back to Caroline with some surprise.
"Thank you." It was as much as he was going to get from Caroline but it was enough.
"I'll go now." Caroline turned for the door. "Please call me if she needs anything."
"I will," Gene followed her to the door. Caroline turned back to him, but found there was nothing left to say. He closed the door behind her and turned back to contemplate Marlena's shadowy form.
Marlena stood out on the balcony, letting the cool air wash over her as she tried to suppress the smouldering anger she felt. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she gripped the railing. It seemed ridiculous that this should affect her this badly, but every time she thought of John with the children, all she could see was John with his cheek to Kristen's swollen stomach and it made her want to throw up. She couldn't work out what was upsetting her more. On the one hand that John had taken her children away without so much as even leaving a message on her answerphone. On the other hand, every time she visualized John walking and laughing with the children, Kristen was right there in the centre of the picture, playing *mom* to her beloved babies.
She choked back a sob as she hit back the railing in frustration and then ran her fingers through her hair. She stiffened at the soft footfalls behind her and she flicked at the tears under her eyes.
"Wanna talk about it?" he asked softly.
"Not really." She turned round and attempted to smile. Gene could see her failing miserably and he stepped closer.
"Marlena maybe..."
"Gene, I would *really* just rather leave it okay?" she said sharply, the rebuke evident in her tone. Gene merely raised his eyebrows.
Marlena stared at him for a moment, her lips thinning as she tried to keep a grip on her temper. She didn't need this right now. Gene still said nothing, just looked at her, his expression benign but somehow declaring that he saw right through her. Suddenly the stand-off was too much for Marlena.
"Oh shut up," she snapped before she elbowed her way past him.
Q's only answer was a sigh as he watched her climb the stairs.
Sami looked up from her book and sighed. She had an important paper to turn in at the end of the week, but it seemed to be taking forever to collect the research she needed. It wasn't that she found the work boring, on the contrary, she found the information that she was collecting interesting, it was just that she was so jumpy at the moment, she couldn't seem to settle for five minutes. It had been a few days since she had suffered any 'incidents', but her concentration was shot and her mind kept wandering from the book she was reading.
She put the book down on the table and cleared a space where she lay her head on her arms. She closed her eyes, letting the weariness wash over her. The lack of sleep wasn't helping matters any.
Her eyes snapped open as the phone rang. She breathed out, trying to ignore her thumping heart as she reached for the portable that was on the table next to her.
"Hello?"
"Sami?" The sound of the voice on the other end of the line induced a smile from Sami.
"Eric? Eric, where *are* you?"
"Hey Sis! How're you doing?" Sami could just picture his cheerful face with his sparkling blue eyes and it made her miss him all the more. She had always been able to talk to Eric, he may not have always agreed with her, but he understood her and she loved him for that.
"Eric, you didn't answer my question. I've been trying to get hold of you for *weeks*. I'm fine, now where are *you*?"
On the other end of the phone, Sami's blonde twin could hear the tension in her voice. She was lying, she wasn't fine, he knew her too well to believe her, but that could wait for the moment.
"I'm in Australia Sami, and I think I may be getting real close." There was real excitement in Eric's voice, and a quiet determination that oddly reminded Sami of John.
"*Australia*?" Sami couldn't have been more surprised. "Eric, that's practically half a world away."
"I know," Eric grinned. "Perfect isn't it, if you think about it."
"I suppose so," Sami shrugged, "when will you know?"
"It may be a few days yet," Eric stared at the diary in front of him. "I promise I'll let you know as soon as I have definite proof though."
"Okay," Sami nodded as she played with the pencil in front of her.
"Sami?" Eric frowned. He didn't know what he had expected from his sister, but it certainly hadn't been this non-reaction. "Sami, what's going on?" Sami didn't answer, just tapped the eraser end of the pencil on the table. "*Sami?*" Eric was starting to get concerned. When Sami didn't talk, it usually meant there was trouble brewing.
"Oh Eric, it's all such a mess," Sami pushed her chair away from the table and stood up.
"What's a mess Sis?" Eric asked gently. Sami sucked in a breath
"Everything," she said as she exhaled. "Just everything."
She dropped into the sagging armchair and began to pick at the frayed fabric of the arm.
"Come on Sami, tell me what's going on," Eric knew that she wouldn't be able to resist telling him the truth for long. She never could. And he was right. With another deep breath, she launched into her laundry-list of problems.
Belle climbed on John's lap as he sat heavily on the bench, overwhelmed with sudden fatigue.
"Daddy?", she nestled up against him, looking up at his closed eyes.
"Mmmm?" his reply was somewhere in between a response and a moan. It wasn't just that the children had spent the last four days wearing him out during the long days at Disneyworld and other associated thrills. Although, they certainly were doing that.
But it was also the way that at night, long after Belle and Brady were fast asleep, he would toss and turn, thinking of the situation with Marlena and trying to decide what to do about it. However, as much as he would think about it, he could not reach a definitive decision. At least not one that he would not change his mind about two hours later. Still, the kids seemed to be having a wonderful time, and that was what was most important. Or so he had thought.
"Daddy, what's wong?" Belle asked as she ran her pale little hand over the rough skin of her father's cheek, the way she had seen her mother do it.
"What do you mean what's wrong Belle baby?" John asked with a smile, trying to hide the fact that he ached with how much Belle reminded him of her mother.
"You're sad all de time daddy," Belle whispered, as she raised her other hand so that she framed his big face between her tiny hands and stared into his eyes. John couldn't help but smile at her serious expression
"I am?" he asked her before looking down at Brady with a questioning glance. Brady nodded his head along with his sister. "Well I..." he was a little lost for words as he hugged Belle to him. He hadn't realized that the children were that sensitive to his moods. "I don't know Belle honey. Sometimes I'm just sad....no particular reason. But," he tapped her on the nose, "it's nothing that you have to worry about."
Belle regarded him for a moment and then scrunched up her face as though in deep thought.
"But Momma's dust sad too," she announced after several seconds before scratching her head. "Do we make you sad Daddy?"
"Oh *no*," John shook his head emphatically, surprised that Belle could even think such a thing. "No sweetie, you could never make your Mom or I sad." He smiled and pulled Brady up from the bench onto his lap where he cuddled both of them next to him. "You both make your Mom and I very happy. We love you more than anything in the world. You have to always remember that okay?" He looked directly at them "Okay?"
The children nodded their heads, seemingly satisfied with John's avowal. "Your Mom...." John paused, not quite knowing what to say to the children. Given the circumstances, he knew what he *should* say, he just wasn't quite sure that he could say it. "Kids, your Momma is moving on with her life. She's going to be happy again, I promise you that."
"Are you going to be living with us again Daddy?" Brady asked innocently. John's heart twisted at his words and the sudden hope that shone in the little boys brown eyes. He looked out over the amusement park in an effort to alight on some way to make the children understand. That at least for now, that was not even a vague possibility.
"No Brady," he sighed, searching for a way to be gentle, "I won't be living with you and your Mom again Slugger. That's not going to be happening again."
"But why?" Belle pressed.
John felt the hot pricking behind his eyelids as he pushed the hair from her eyes with his index finger. The innocence of youth made it all seem so simple and so easy.
"Because your Mom has Eugene to look after her now." It pained him to say it, but it was true.
"Will I have to stay with Kristen?" Brady looked almost afraid and John felt even more guilty about all the time he had forced the children to stay with that woman.
"No Brady," he shook his head as he mussed the boys mahogany coloured hair. "Kristen moved back to her place. I don't see her anymore." The child nodded his head with a relieved smile.
"I don't like her Daddy," he said. John gave him a rueful smile. Out of the mouths of babes....
"Neither do I son," he murmured, "neither do I."
Carrie came back from the restroom to find Austin still at her desk. They had been arguing for a full thirty minutes before she had run out, the nausea getting the better of her. They said that morning sickness was supposed to go after the first trimester was over, but it seemed as if this was going on and on. Not that she was much past her first trimester, it was just that she was so desperate to stop feeling like complete crap, that every morning that she woke up with the nausea was a morning too long.
She sat down at the desk and dropped her forehead into her hands. On top of the nausea, whatever topic she and Austin approached these days seemed to degenerate into an argument, and her patience was wearing very thin.
Austin sighed and sat down in a chair in front of her desk. Their latest fight had covered everything from work to Carrie's pregnancy and had finally alighted on Sami's problems.
"Carrie, I just don't think you need to worry so much."
"How can I *not* worry, Austin?" Carrie looked up at him. "She's my sister and she might well be in trouble if what she is saying is true." She was becoming increasingly concerned about Sami's frightened calls but Austin seemed to be determined to write it off as Sami simply crying wolf.
"How many times do we have to have this conversation?" Austin climbed out of his chair and began to pace again. "We all know that Sami will do anything she can to get attention. To come between us. I'm sick of it."
"But Austin, you said you *saw* those dents in her door," Carrie swung her chair round in frustration. "You can't even *think* about giving her a little bit of credit?"
"I'm sick of her games Carrie." Austin turned and glared at his wife. He didn't know how to get this through to her. "She's not worth the time, or effort. She's using your concern about her the way she always does."
"Austin..." Carrie paused. She couldn't deny that Austin was right about her sister's manipulations. But for all that had gone before, Sami was still her little sister and she felt protective of her. "Can't we just check her apartment, make sure she's safe?"
"And give any credence to her lies?" Austin raised his eyebrows. "No Carrie. Just let her live in her sick little delusional world. Don't fall for her bullshit again."
Carrie stared at her husband for several moments. She was tired and almost past the point where she could educe logical argument any longer. And the nausea was building again. Slowly, and somewhat against her better judgement, Carrie nodded her head.
"So why haven't you told Mom about all this?" Eric asked, his voice laced with concern.
"I have tried to call her Eric, but she's never home. Obviously her new *boyfriend* is taking up all of her time." The venom seeped through Sami's voice, infecting the words as she spoke them.
"I guess she has a right to a life Sami," Eric sounded unsure of his words.
"With *him*?" Sami shook her head. Her grandmother's hints had been enough to convince Sami that her suspicions had been more than warranted. Eugene Bradford had finally managed to get what he had been after all along.
"Sami," Eric sighed. He didn't remember much of Eugene and all he had to go on was what Samantha had told him. However, as prone to exaggeration as she was, he wasn't about to put much stock in her perceptions.
"He's a jerk Eric. I don't know what she sees in him."
"Sam, all I know is that he was a good friend to Mom and Dad." He paused for a moment, trying to put words to his family's pain. "Mom has been through so much, and this last go-round with John was probably the last straw. She probably needs someone to love her right now."
"But why him Eric?" Sami sounded petulant, reminding Eric of why he had been so happy to stay away from Salem for so long.
"Why *not* him Sam? It's not like any of *us* are in there supporting her is it?" Sami chose to ignore the guilt and implication in his voice. She couldn't deal with that right now. "They've been friends for a long time. Maybe he reminds her of how things used to be. I don't know." He shrugged his shoulders. "Does it really matter why, as long as Mom's happy?"
"Look, I really don't care *what* she does Eric," Sami had had enough of talking about her mother, "I just know she's not around. And neither is John. I just don't know what to do."
"It sounds like your only option is to get hold of Carrie, Sam. Forget Austin, just go to her." The concern sounded in his voice again as he tried to convince her. "This guy sounds like a nutcase and if you won't go to the police about it then please talk to Carrie."
"The police can't do anything," Sami shook her head angrily. "I already tried that....but unless he actually is caught doing something they won't waste the manpower."
"Then go and talk to Carrie," Eric repeated. "Please Sami, please get her help."
Sami said nothing, but picked at the loosely woven fabric of the chair again.
"Sam?" Eric sounded to the silence. It was another long silence before Sami took a deep breath.
"I'll try Eric," she said in a small voice, "but I'm afraid that I may have burnt that bridge already."
Kristen fiddled with the strap of her bag as she rode the elevator in silence. It had taken her several days to get up the courage to come and see John again. She had decided to make a trip to the loft under the pretence of discussing custody arrangements for the baby once it was born. She of course had no intention of drawing up any sort of custody arrangement. As far as she was concerned, by the time this baby was born, John would already be back in her bed. In fact, the custody idea was only a fallback, and one she was convinced that she would not need.
Her increasingly tenuous grip on reality had allowed Kristen to persuade herself that John would be ready to welcome her back with open arms after the other day. He was no doubt devastated over the way he had treated her and he would be willing to do anything to make it up to her now he had come to his senses. The fact that he'd had her furniture moved back out of the loft was filtered out of her unbalanced mind. Nothing could interfere with the reunion that she deserved after so much perseverance.
She rubbed her ungainly stomach as she trudged out of the elevator. The baby seemed to oddly get more active every time she came near the loft, almost as if it could sense its father. Thankfully it was still healthy, although her visit to Dr. Bader yesterday had revealed that the baby was not gaining weight quite as quickly as they expected. She had attributed it to the stress that Kristen was suffering and had told her that it was nothing to be concerned over as long as she rested and ate regularly.
Kristen came to the door of the loft and smiled as she drifted into a vision of presenting John with his newest baby girl. They were bathed in the golden light of a setting sun, marking the end of the troubles they had surpassed and the dawning of a brand new life. John's eyes shone with joy as she laid his daughter in his arms and then he leaned in to kiss her. She touched her gloves to her lips, almost feeling the presence of his kiss there and she touched her fingers to her belly.
"Your mommy and daddy love you little baby," she whispered.
Pulling herself together, she knocked on the door. She waited and frowned when John didn't answer. She knocked again, louder this time but again, no John. When a third knock brought as little response, she dug into her bag and pulled out her key.
Sami said goodbye to her brother and then turned off the phone. She felt a little better for having talked about what was bothering her, but she wished Eric wouldn't be so disagreeable in the area of their mother. She was sure he just did it to annoy her.
Frowning, she stood and went into the kitchen. Perhaps fixing herself some lunch would help to take her mind off the matters that were worrying her and onto her paper. Somehow, she suspected not. She pulled open the refrigerator and pulled out a loaf of bread and some butter. She had her hand on the handle of the cutlery drawer when the phone rang again. Wondering idly if Eric had forgotten something, she picked up the phone.
"Hello?"
"Sami Brady."
Sami gasped, feeling as though she had been punched in her stomach. The voice was raspy and obviously disguised but she had no doubt who it was.
"What do you want?" she hissed into the receiver.
There was a slight pause and then, "You Sami. I want you."
"You stay away from me." Sami warned the caller in as firm a voice as she could muster. "You come near me or my son and I *promise* I'll have you arrested." She was unnerved even more by the high-pitched giggle that came in reply.
"I'll come for you soon Sami," he promised in a scratchy whisper before Sami heard the click of the line closing.
Sami gulped heavily as she sagged against the cabinet. Her heart was thumping as she threw the phone across the counter, looking at it as it if it were infectious. Her hands were shaking as she lifted them to her head, trying to smooth the hair off her face. It was a moment before she realized she was shaking too badly to effectively do anything. Pressing the heels of her palms to her eyes, she slowly slid down the cupboards to the floor.
Belle sat back on the bench and looked at John, her little cupid's bow mouth forming a small pout.
"What's wrong Belle baby?" John asked carefully. Belle shook her head, suddenly stubborn. Wisps of blonde hair settled around her elfin face as she stared at her father, an accusatory glimmer in her eyes. "C'mon honey. Tell me what's wrong," he coaxed.
"I want you to live wif us daddy," she blurted out. John sighed. He had thought that they had gotten through this. Obviously not.
"Belle, I told you honey, that's not going to happen. Your Mom and I can't be together any more."
"But why Daddy?" Belle's eyes were filling with childish tears.
"Because that's the way it is Belle." He had no good reason to give his daughter. Not one she would understand. Truthfully, not one he really understood either. "It's complicated kids, but your Mom and I just can't live together."
"Don't you love Mommy any more?" she asked, the tears spilling onto her cheeks. John felt the pain through his whole body. He loved Marlena more than he could possibly ever express in words and he couldn't lie about that any more, least of all to the angel he shared with her.
"Oh sweetheart, I still love your Momma *very* much," he hugged Belle to him. "I wish I could come and live with you all, but Marlena doesn't need me there now." Much less want me, he added silently. "I know you kids want it, and I'd love to be able to give it to you, but I just can't."
Belle began to cry harder, and he felt her distress as keenly as his own. He wanted so much to be able to give Belle and Brady a loving and stable family home, something it seemed, that he had never been able to give Sami and Eric. But the current situation made that impossible.
He reached out to brush Belle's tears away, but angrily she swatted at him with a tiny fist. He looked over at Brady and saw that his face was wet with tears too. John pressed his hand to his mouth for a moment, making a vain effort not to join them before pulling them both into a fierce hug. He buried his face into their hair, taking in the sweet fragrance of childhood and innocence. It was up to him to make sure that they didn't lose that innocence any sooner than they had to.
At first she thought she must have the wrong key when it didn't slide neatly into the lock. But then Kristen looked more closely at the door. Telltale scratches marked the metal around the lock. He'd had them changed. Kristen stood in shock and stared at the door as an internal struggle raged between rationality and madness.
And then, suddenly she threw her bag at the door and flung her head back, emitting an unearthly shriek from her throat as her carefully constructed reality began to crumble.
By the time John made it back to the hotel a short while later, Belle was already asleep and Brady wasn't far behind. The excitement of the theme park and the subsequent sobs had tired them both out and Brady crawled into bed as John lay Belle down on hers. He unlaced her shoes and slipped them off before gently sliding her arms out of her jacket sleeves. Kissing her forehead gently, he covered her up with a light blanket. He repeated the process with Brady and then he quietly exited the room, pulling the door to behind him.
He wandered out into the living room of the suite and looked around. There were toys and clothes spread from one end of the room to the other. In some ways it felt a lot more like home than the loft did. He picked up Belle's big bunny and hugged it to him, breathing in the scent of his little girl as he walked to the windows. He opened the sliding door and stepped onto the small balcony. The air was warm and humid, even for spring, and it carried the mild scent of rain.
He leaned on the railing, staring vacantly at the world beneath him. But his eyes did not see. Instead they looked to the past. The last time he had been in Florida things had been so incredibly different.
They had been in Miami, waiting for that call, the call that would take them to the island and to their answers. He was Roman Brady, she his wife. For now and, had he admitted it to himself at the time, forever. Even then he had been afraid of losing her again.
It had been tense, the dance of two, once lovers who were now strangers. But slowly, little bit by little bit they had found that path that would lead them back. There had been the strawberries, sweetly accidental. She had been so awkward about that and he had loved her for it. So, why don't you have yourself an omen? But then, afterward he had been so tense and she had known just how to relax him. Muscle memory....emblazoned into his own memory. And then she had left the room, putting distance between them. Before we do something we might regret.
But he had found her, down on that warm Miami beach, and in a moment of heaven, he had surrendered. Surrendered to the emotions that he had been trying to ignore. He had made his decision.
That was, until they had found their answers. The answers that neither of them had ever expected.
He would never forget the look in her beautiful hazel eyes when she laid them on both her husbands. Like her world had just come crashing down around her. He, Roman Brady, had come back and he had reclaimed her and his family, leaving John with a name that meant nothing and a past that was a blank page, waiting to be rewritten.
And it had been easier to just walk away. Easier than to fight and lose her to Roman. Easier than to feel his heart breaking as she told him she loved Roman more and watch her walk away. He had never even given her the chance. He as good as made the decision for her. It was best, he justified it. Best for everyone.
John shook his head and sat down in one of the iron chairs as rain began to drizzle in front of him. Best for everyone. Said who? Maybe if he and Marlena had been honest about their feelings to begin with, they wouldn't have hurt so many of the people they loved. It was hard to say, with hindsight, what would have been best. But maybe if they had given themselves the chance to find out without just assuming it, things would be much different now.
He looked up and sent a silent apology to Isabella. He had loved her so much, and he had been so happy when he had married her, and maybe if she hadn't been taken from him he wouldn't have made so many terrible mistakes.
Maybe. He couldn't really say with any certainty.
He had done things in the last few years which had been inexcusable. He didn't even recognize the man he had become with Kristen, and he didn't want to know that man. If any good had come of the last few months, it was that he felt more like himself than he had in years. His judgement, though he didn't entirely trust it yet was much less clouded, and he was finally being honest about his true feelings, feelings which he had denied himself for far too long.
But as good as that felt, that still left him the question of what to do about Marlena. He loved her, that was simple. He loved her and he wanted to be with her. The question was, did she still love him? He suspected she did. He knew her too well to believe that she could just turn those feelings off like a faucet. But she had chosen to give up on those feelings and she had turned to Eugene Bradford. A little voice nagged at him. The same way you did with Kristen? You couldn't have Marlena so you pursued Kristen instead. Was that what Marlena was doing?
He hugged the bunny tighter too him and watched the steady downfall of rain, the droplets bouncing off the iron railing soaking the bottom of his jeans. He couldn't imagine Marlena doing that knowingly. She would do anything she could to prevent those that she loved from suffering pain. And even though John didn't want to admit it, he knew how much she cared for Eugene. He had been her best friend though years of trial and pain. But those same years had also contained some of the happiest moments of her life, and Eugene had been there for those too.
John chewed on the inside of his lip. So she loved the man. But did she love Eugene more than she loved him? And even if she didn't, did he even have any right to go in there and make trouble for her again? If she was happy shouldn't he just let her be happy?
But then there was the rub. Who was to say that she was happy or that she would stay happy. He knew from bitter experience that no-one could predict that. So here he was, back where he had started, and he had a decision to make. The same decision he *hadn't* made over six years ago. And again, all he had were questions and more questions.
And nobody to provide the answers but himself.
(NB: This chapter is edited for NC-17 content. If you wish to read the unedited chapter, please click here.)
She carefully unlocked the front door of the penthouse and slipped inside. Her last two appointments had cancelled and she had decided to shelve the paperwork for the rest of the day. She had other plans in store. The apartment was quiet, but she smiled as she saw him curled up on the sofa with his back to her. He was obviously engrossed in a book and hadn't heard her entrance.
Quietly, she shed her trench coat and deposited her briefcase on the floor before removing her shoes. She picked up the bottle of wine and the flowers she had brought home with her and padded across the carpet in her stockinged feet. With a cheeky smile, she leaned over the back of the sofa so that she was almost touching him.
"Hi handsome," she whispered huskily in his ear. A smile slid across Q's face and he put his book down.
"Hi there yourself gorgeous." He turned his head slightly and felt her soft lips brush against his.
"I brought you something," she said as she slid her arms around him, flowers in one hand, the bottle of fine Merlot in the other.
"My my," he raised his eyebrows at her romantic gesture as he took the flowers. The bouquet was beautiful, formed from old-fashioned white roses mingled with a fresh lime-green euphorbia. The fragrance seemed to surround both of them as he lay the flowers on the table. Sliding his hand down her arm, he took the wine from her hand and placed it on the table next to the flowers. Then he turned, his eyes widening.
She wore a beguiling smile and the top of her lavender suit was unbuttoned, exposing flashes of white lace and a delicious expanse of enticing cleavage. Leaning closer, she wrapped her arms around his upper body.
"Missed you." Her warm breath tickled against his ear.
"You've been gone less than eight hours," Q grinned.
"I know and it's been driving me crazy," Marlena sighed.
They had not talked of the children, or John since the day that Caroline had been there. Marlena had skillfully avoided the subject if it even threatened to come up. In fact, she had managed to avoid much talking at all during the weekend. Instead, she had concentrated on taking advantage of the absence of distractions. It had been exhilarating, but exhausting and Gene had almost welcomed the solitude when she had taken her leave for work that morning. Now however, he was delighted to find that she was home early.
"Well, why don't we remedy that situation?" he murmured against her mouth, gently capturing her upper lip between his. Marlena responded, opening her mouth slightly as he ran his tongue tentatively along her lower lip. She moaned as his hands slid down her sides to her waist. In one single and unexpected movement, he pulled her over the low back of the sofa.
Marlena lay on her back and giggled as she looked up at Gene.
"You know," she said as she reached up to trace his soft lips with her finger, "I just couldn't concentrate at all today."
"And why was that?" he raised his eyebrows as he lowered himself onto the cushions next to her, propping himself up slightly on his elbow. Marlena rolled onto her side and found herself playing her fingers around the neckline of his tee shirt.
"Oh, I just kept thinking about the weekend," she sighed with a wisp of a smile. "And I kept finding myself wishing that I wasn't at work."
Gene grinned.
"You mean the weekend wasn't enough to sate that appetite of yours?" he murmured, hooking his finger inside the fold of her jacket and running it down over the gentle swell of her breast. Marlena shivered with delight.
"Oh darling," Marlena's laughter was throaty, sending a thrill of desire through Eugene. "Don't tell me I wore you out."
"Oh don't you worry sweetheart," he toyed with the fine lace of her bra, "I'm all rested up now."
"I'm glad to hear it," Marlena whispered as she leaned closer, "because I have plans for you tonight."
"Oh you do, do you?" his voice was barely audible, just a flicker of warm breath against her lips.
"Mmmm-hmmmm..." she closed her eyes and slid her hand up over the warm skin of his neck as she felt his lips claim hers. Her tongue quickly parted them and she began to taste him, letting him feel her moan as his thigh slid up over her nylon-clad leg.
She was panting as she moved back slightly, disengaging his fingers from her hair and lacing her own between them. Never taking her eyes from his and with a kittenish smile, she kissed his fingers.
"Why don't you finish up down here," she suggested quietly, "put those flowers in some water and open the wine. Then," her smile returned, "you can join me upstairs."
"That sounds like an offer I can't refuse," Gene kissed her fingers just as she had kissed his before settling a tender kiss on her lips.
"That's the general idea," Marlena replied as he helped her up from the sofa. She made it to the steps before she turned back. "Just don't be long will you?"
"Count on it," he winked at her and then watched her as she climbed the staircase. Turning around, he set the answering machine to pick up any calls straight away. He had a feeling they would not want to be disturbed.
*
It was several minutes later that he carried the open bottle of Merlot and some glasses up to the bedroom, but Marlena wasn't there when he entered. He called out her name and waited.
"In here," her voice had a lilting quality and he traced the source to the bathroom. He peeked around the door to find her smiling at him. "Come in honey."
The oval shaped bath, which was set slightly into the tiled floor, was filled with warm water and topped with fragrant suds. Candles flickered softly around the room, the subtle scent of sandalwood invading the air. Marlena came to him and took the glasses and the bottle with an enigmatic smile, placing them on the marble-topped counter. Then she moved back to where he was standing. Q had no idea what she expected, so he remained still. Marlena slid her hand up over his tee shirt and around the nape of his neck. She pulled herself closer to him, molding her body to his as she slipped her other arm around his neck. Gene wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her slightly upwards so that she could balance on her toes.
"What's all this about?" he asked quietly. Marlena smiled and kissed him tenderly.
"I just wanted to show you," she kissed him again, "how much you mean to me." The fingers of one hand busied themselves in his hair as she felt his lips on hers. "You've spoilt me so much...." another kiss interrupted the flow of conversation, "...mmmm, that it's time I spoilt you a little."
"Oh," Eugene nodded, an attentive smile on his lips. "And what did you have in mind?"
"Well first," Marlena's voice dropped to a throaty hush, "I want you to get undressed."
"No pre-amble from my Marlena, I see," he raised his eyebrows teasingly.
"You should know by now that I'm nothing if not direct," the riposte engendered a giggle from both of them.
"I wouldn't have you any other way," Gene murmured against her jaw.
Marlena shivered as she felt his warm lips travelling down her throat.
"Mmmm...Gene," Marlena managed to pull away from him slightly. As much as she loved it when he did that, she didn't want to give into her own desires...just yet. "Just take off your clothes huh?" He gave her a beleaguered sigh and then let her go.
"Okay then," he nodded but then caught her hands up in his. "Do you think you could give me a hand. I'm not at all sure that I'm capable of managing this by myself." Marlena only flashed him a sly smile as she backed away slightly. Not taking her eyes from his, she began to slide her hands back down his body. Then she rounded him until she was directly behind him, her hands on his waist. She leaned forward and nuzzled his neck whispering, "I'll help you any way you need it baby."
Gene felt almost dizzy for a moment. She knew just how to tease him, how to leave him desperate for more. She was an incredibly sensual woman, far more so than he suspected anyone who knew her imagined. Anyone that hadn't been in love with her that was.
Marlena tugged at his tee shirt from the back, enticing it from his jeans. She worked her fingers underneath the cotton as Gene untucked it at the front. Concentrating on the way he felt under her hands, Marlena worked her fingers up over the muscles in his back, her palms wandering over his warm skin. She was restrained from going too far by the fabric until, in unison with her passage, he raised his arms to remove the shirt. Marlena's hands roamed up and over his shoulders, smoothing the skin of his upper arms as they took the shirt with them.
It was all Gene could do to suppress a groan as he felt her move against him, the coarse weave of her suit rough against his skin. Matters were not helped any as her hands continued their trek after discarding the tee-shirt. Now she ran them down over his front with the lightest of touches, her lips adding to the sweet frustration as they began to explore the side of his neck. Her fingers reached the waistband of his jeans and she deftly unbuttoned him with practiced skill before helping him out of the stiff denim.
Q kicked away the jeans as he turned around. He was reaching for the button to her jacket when she stayed his hand.
"No," she shook her head with a tantalizing smile before she insinuated her fingers between him and the waistband of his boxers. "I told you, I want *you* to get undressed."
"Oh?" he laid his hands on her shoulders and then began to draw his fingers down over the lightly freckled skin of her chest. With a grin, Marlena swiftly pulled down his boxers and dropped them on the floor.
"Yes," she mouthed. "Now if you'll oblige me by getting in the bath?"
Gene climbed into the bathtub and settled down into the warm soapy water, intrigued by what she was up to. He leaned back against the curved end of the tub and watched Marlena walk back to the counter. The glow of the candlelight behind the wine bottle painted the liquid a ruby red as she picked it up and splashed a generous portion of wine into each glass. Then she picked up a glass in each hand and carried them to the tub. Gene took the one that was proffered and met her toast with an audible clink.
"To us," she said simply, "for all that has gone before and all that has yet to be."
"To us," he echoed her sentiment and then lifted the glass to his lips and took a sip.
Marlena took a small taste of her wine and then set it on the ground.
"Just a moment," she ran the back of her fingers down the side of Gene's face, "I'll be right back." She was as good as her word and the mellow sounds of soft soul music followed her back into the bathroom.
"That's better," she smiled seductively as she neared the counter once again. She picked up a small, blue glass bottle and carried it back to the bath cradled in her hands. Gene's eyes followed her every move as she sank back onto the edge of the bath, her lavender skirt riding up to expose the merest hint of pale lace.
Slowly, she unscrewed the cap of the bottle and poured a small amount of bath oil into her hand.
"Lean forward," she urged softly as she worked the oil into her palms, warming it. He obeyed and she touched her hands to his shoulders, slowly moving them over his moist skin. Her thumbs made long smooth strokes over his upper back, seeking out the tension in his muscles with her skilled hands.
Under the skilful manipulation of her fingers, Q began to unwind, letting her caress away the tautness he hadn't even been aware of. He sighed as she worked up over the muscles in his neck, her practiced fingers soothing the knots that they found. Marlena smiled as he groaned beneath her touch, rolling his neck slightly, following her sensual touch. She slid her hands down his back, thoroughly enjoying the slight warmth of friction between her palms and his skin.
Gene couldn't believe the sublime feeling of her hands on him. It was relaxing but exhilarating all at once. She seemed to be able to instinctively find the knots in his muscles, the magic of her fingers wiping them away with almost a simple touch. And aside from becoming relaxed, Gene found himself becoming rather aroused.
Applying another layer of oil, Marlena slowly stroked up over the now familiar muscles of Gene's back and over to the top of his arms. However, moving much further was restricted by her suit and when she couldn't safely lean over the bath any further, she ceased and pushed herself up off the edge of the tub. Eugene's protestations were stilled as she placed her index finger against her reddened lips.
She began swaying her hips to the music as her hands dropped to the pearlized buttons of her jacket. Never taking her eyes from him, she slowly slid the button out of its hole. He swallowed as her hands moved down, slowly separating the buttons from their holes until the jacket swung open, revealing the satin and lace panels of a white teddy.
With a wink, she slid the lapels of the jacket slowly over her freckled shoulders and let it slip down her arms to fall with a muffled clink of buttons on the tiled floor. She slid it behind her with her foot and walked back to the bath. With her hand on the edge of the tub, she leaned over to get her glass of wine, lingering for just a moment longer to give Eugene a tempting flash of cleavage. Lifting the glass to her lips, she let the warm wine roll across her tongue, imparting a delightful tingle to several of her senses. She carried the wine back to the counter and set it on the marble top, before she turned back to Eugene. Her hands moved behind her to loosen the button and zipper of the skirt before she slipped it over her hips.
Gene couldn't help the sigh that escaped his lips as she stood there, an almost shy smile curving her lips. She looked exquisite, the satin of the teddy following the shapely curves of her body up to her remarkable cleavage, while only a small, but enticing area of exposed skin was visible above the lacy tops of her stockings.
He had to work extremely hard to suppress a further groan as she began to work a stocking slowly down her thigh. By the time she divested herself of the second stocking, beads of perspiration were appearing on his forehead. Marlena picked up her glass of wine and carried it back to the tub where she knelt on the mat and leaned over the edge.
"Do you like your surprise so far?" she asked softly, her voice deep and throaty.
"Oh baby," Q shook his head, unable to voice any of the emotions he felt. He didn't really need to however, it was abundantly clear to her just how much he was enjoying it. Marlena grinned with her own enjoyment of the situation and leaned further over the bathtub. Q had to resist the extremely strong urge to pull her into the water, lingerie and all. He wanted her badly, but he figured he could wait, at least for another few minutes. Instead, he lifted his hands to her face, tracing the contours of her cheekbones with his thumbs. Marlena shivered slightly as his fingers delved into her hair and he leaned to her. His kiss was soft and sweet, his lips dancing over hers, at moments barely touching. One of Marlena's hands steadied herself against his shoulder as she turned the kiss into something more insistent. Her tongue entered his mouth tenaciously, seeking more of him, inviting him further.
As soon as he took up the invitation though, she pulled away from him. Catching his hands in hers, she lowered them to her shoulders. Her meaning was clear and Q slowly and almost reverently slid the straps over her shoulders. Marlena stood up and quietly divested herself of the teddy so that she was completely naked, the soft candlelight framing her curves and bathing her in a golden radiance.
Gene's heart beat soundly in his chest as he watched her. She was divine, like some perfect creation, actual but ephemeral all at once. It was almost as if he were waiting for her to dissolve into nothingness, to slip through his fingers when he wasn't looking. And so he couldn't turn away. He was hers for as long as she would have him and he wasn't letting go.
She held out her hand to him and he took it, taking the other one also as she stepped into the bath. Facing him, she sat down so that she was almost directly in his lap.
"Hi there," she whispered sexily as she moved her legs so that she was almost kneeling, her knees pressing against his hips, her feet brushing against his thighs.
"Hi," his voice was choked as she reached for the bottle of oil again.
"I think that I got interrupted somewhere along the way," she said thoughtfully as she drizzled the oil into her cupped palm.
Gene thought he might die when she began to work the oil into his shoulders and chest. He just wasn't sure if this would send him to heaven, or to hell, because he was having some extremely wicked thoughts. It wasn't long however, before he found those thoughts being more than fulfilled as they made love with abandon.
Finally he pulled her to him and they clung together for several minutes as their bodies cooled. It was Marlena that eventually pulled back, realizing that the cold water was going to give them both chills in a few minutes. With Gene's help, she climbed out of the tepid water and then she helped him out. She draped a towel round him and then pulled one around her own shoulders. Eugene wrapped his arms around her and dropped a kiss on her forehead.
"That was wonderful," he whispered.
"*You're* wonderful," she smiled up at him, her eyes sparkling.
"Hey, you stole my line!" he kissed her gently again, this time on the lips.
"And why would I do that?" she asked him teasingly, feeling incredibly happy.
"Probably for the same reason you stole my heart," he murmured in return.
Before she could reply, his mood lightened and he took her hand and pulled her into the bedroom.
"Get dressed," he told her simply, "I'm taking you dancing."
*
It was without argument and less than an hour later that Marlena found herself at the Penthouse Grille. She was almost oblivious to everyone else as she sat with Gene at a secluded table in the corner. They ate little, but laughed a lot. Several heads near them turned at the sound of giggles but they lost interest when they saw the couple immersed in themselves. All that was, but one.
It was between courses that Q pulled Marlena up onto the dance floor. The music melted seamlessly from Porter to Gershwin as he slipped one arm around her shoulder and caught her hand with the other. He held it close to his chest so that she could feel the echo of his heart beating against the back of her hand. She smiled up at him as he held her close to him and began to move slowly.
"I seem to remember your dancing being a little more.... exhuberant," she teased him.
"Hmmm, well a few hundred years teaches one the benefits of moderation," he gave her a half smile, "though some I'm sure wouldn't agree that I've learnt that particular lesson." Knowing better than to press him for the meaning behind the obtuse comment, Marlena simply moved her arm further around his neck, bring her closer to him.
"Whatever...I like it," she lifted her eyebrows slightly and he smiled in response.
"Oh you do, do you?" He muffled her murmured reply with his lips, and they kissed in the middle of the dance floor.
Separating, more out of necessity than desire, they began to dance again. Gene hummed a few bars of the music and Marlena rested her head on his chest as they slowly swayed. Then she felt the rumble in his chest as he quietly began to sing so that she could only hear.
The way your smile just beams, The way you sing off key, The way you haunt my dreams, No, no, they can't take that away from me.
*
At a table close to the door, Kristen DiMera sat seething as she watched Marlena Evans dance with her new lover. She had thought that she would be delighted to see the bitch ensnare another man, for that would mean John would finally be hers. All hers. Instead, the sight of a radiant Marlena giggling like a schoolgirl only made her more miserable.
Marlena was with Eugene Bradford, there was no doubt about that. Everything about the woman, from her low cut black gown, to the smile on her face and that damned sexual *glow* about her, pointed to that fact. She was getting it on a regular basis and still Kristen was here alone and John was God knows where. Not that it would help if she knew where he was. He didn't want her, he had made that abundantly clear.
Kristen threw another scowl at the oblivious couple on the dance floor. She didn't understand any of it. She couldn't understand how it was that Marlena could give up John so easily, and she couldn't understand what made it different for John this time. Every other time he had thought that Marlena had rejected him, he had come crawling back to her bed. Sometimes it had been slower than others, but always it had seemed to be inevitable. Until now. Until Marlena had herself a new man and there was no chance of John getting her back. It was *now* that John chose to decide he'd rather be alone than be with the woman that was carrying his child.
And every move that that smug bitch made rubbed in the fact for Kristen. Every laugh, every intimate smile, every whisper spelled out the fact that while everyone *loved* Marlena, no-one loved Kristen. No-one.
With an ugly scowl and clenched fists, Kristen resisted the urge to sweep the contents of her table to the floor. She looked at Marlena as the other woman threw her head back in laughter and Kristen knew that whatever she did, the *perfect* Marlena Evans would always be there, making her life a misery.
It was as though defeat enveloped her instantly on that realization and wearily, she dropped her napkin into the half-eaten plate of food. Propelling her chair back from the table, she pushed herself up awkwardly. No-one saw the pregnant and disheveled woman leave the restaurant in tears mere moments later.
*
Marlena finally led Q from the floor, pleading sore feet, and they ordered dessert. She fed him the raspberry parfait in between laughter and sips of champagne. Neither of them had any idea that Kristen had even been present, and they were perfectly happy in their blissful ignorance.
It was several dances later that they finally called a taxi. They rode home cuddled up in the back of the cab, ignoring all of the driver's attempts to engage them in conversation as they furtively made out under the cover of darkness. On the way up in the elevator, they could barely keep their hands or mouths off each other, throwing caution to the wind as they rode with only muffled moans and the rustle of clothing.
The elevator door opened mid-gasp and they stumbled to the door. Gene teased Marlena mercilessly as she had trouble, first unlocking the door to the penthouse, and then mis-punching the access code to the alarm. Finally in gales of giggles, she managed to get it right but she had no time to recover as he swept her off her feet and into his arms. She squealed as she grabbed hold of him, throwing her arms around his neck as he took the stairs two at a time.
"Gene," she gasped for breath, tears of laughter slipping from the corner of her eyes. "Gene, put me down!"
"What, here?," he asked innocently as he stopped at the top of the staircase. Marlena barely had time to react to the suspect gleam in his eye before he pretended to drop her. She shrieked even more loudly than before and reflexively tightened her arms around his neck. With fake choking sounds, he pretended to stagger. "I get...your...point," his voice was purposely hoarse and it sent Marlena into even greater paroxysms of laughter. She did, however, loosen her grip on him and he carried her to the bedroom.
With a flourish, he kicked the door open and proceeded to the bed where he dumped her unceremoniously onto the soft comforter. Marlena continued to giggle as she rolled onto her side and watched him fall onto the bed next to her. His quiet laughter joined hers as they regarded each other for several moments.
"What an elegant entrance Dr. Evans," Q said finally as the hilarity subsided.
"Why thank you," she grinned as she kicked her shoes off one by one and rolled half onto her stomach. "I *do* try."
"Mmmm, I'm sure you do," he murmured as he edged closer to her.
"You know what?" Marlena asked as she reached out and pulled on the end of his bow tie, her eyes bright.
"What?" he removed the offending tie and unbuttoned the top button of his shirt.
"I had a *wonderful* time tonight." She wiggled even closer to him, and he found himself faced with the cleavage that spilled over the low cut bodice of her dress.
"Uh.... mmmm," he dragged his eyes up to her face which was alive with amusement, "you did?"
"Oh yeah," she slid down the bed slightly and undid the next button of his shirt, "I did."
"Well that's good," he surprised her by sitting up suddenly, "because it's not over yet."
"Oh?" she propped herself up on one elbow as her query followed him into the bathroom. He came out a moment later toting the blue bottle and a white towel. "Oh, Mr. Bradford," a sly smile crept onto her lips, "I like the way you think."
"Oh you do, do you?" He set the bottle on the bed stand with a smile and slid his jacket off before he undid the cuffs of his shirt.
"Mmmmm, I certainly do," her voice was husky and full of promise as she slid the straps of her dress from her shoulders. She rolled over onto her back as she watched Gene unbutton his shirt. Her look was approving as he shed first the shirt, and then his pants.
"Roll over," he told her as he climbed onto the bed and kneeled next to her.
She did as he asked, rolling onto her stomach, propping herself up on her elbows. She felt his hands lift her long blonde hair and then let it spill delicately over her shoulder so that it hit the chintz of the comforter with a soft bump. As small shiver ran through her as his fingers brushed over her back, seeking out the zipper of her dress. She felt a small tug and then the rasping sound of the zipper as it slid downward, albeit at a maddeningly slow pace. The tickle of his fingers on her as he parted the fabric was too much for her in her intoxicated state and she began to giggle. Her laugh was infectious and Gene joined her as she dropped onto her side.
"Let me help you out of that," he offered with a grin as she began to struggle out of the dress. However, it turned out not to be such an easy task. The more Marlena moved, the more she got caught up in the dress, until finally they were both laughing too hard to do anything.
Marlena buried her face in the comforter as she tried to smother the giggles that shook her body. It was only when she felt Gene's hands brushing her thighs, that seriousness finally overtook her and she was able to look up. Without a word, he helped her up off the bed and she slid the offending garment over her hips, dropping it in a noiseless pile on the carpet. She discarded her lingerie almost as quickly and Eugene covered her with a towel as she climbed on the bed. She sat up, nevertheless holding the towel to her, and looked up at him.
"You know, I'm not that modest," she teased.
"And *you* know better than to argue with me," he replied flippantly. She smiled cheekily at him as he picked up the bottle of oil. He gave her a look that bespoke his amusement at her heightened animation "Just lie down alright?" Marlena rolled her eyes and blew several strands of hair from her eyes with one well-placed puff.
"Alright," she conceded, not too unhappily, before she promptly rolled onto her stomach.
Gene grinned as he pulled the towel from under her and laid it across her all too tempting rear. He was going to have a hard enough time keeping his mind on what he was doing without that particular distraction.
He unscrewed the lid of the bottle, set it down on the nightstand, and then poured some oil into his cupped hand. He set the bottle next to the lid and, as Marlena had done several hours before, he worked the oil into his palms.
He started at her shoulders, carefully covering her in oil, applying more when it was needed. With gentle, yet firm fingers, he began to knead the muscles in her neck and shoulders, easing the tension away with broad, strong strokes. Marlena sighed deeply as he moved lower, finding the knotted muscles and plying them with warmth and gentle caresses.
As she relaxed, it began to feel like there was more than one pair of hands. It seemed like he was touching her back everywhere, hands sliding over polished skin, soothing tired sinews. And then it wasn't just her back, but also her limbs, fingers caressing, stroking away the fatigue and invigorating her. Moreover, as the lassitude faded, it was replaced with a growing sensation of desire.
And then, suddenly it was though all of the pairs of hands and all the sensations melded into one scalding touch, firing up her senses and sending bolts of lust ripping through her body. Q moved his hands down the side of her body, brushing her breasts with the merest flutter of a touch. He smiled as he was rewarded with a moan that left Marlena breathless. He continued stroking his hands over the beautiful curves of her body, feeling her desire growing under the gentlest of touches. He reached the towel and pulled it away, continuing his trek over her rounded buttocks and down the back of her thighs. Marlena hummed her appreciation softly, as his soft hands skimmed down her legs to her feet.
Pouring some more oil into his hands, he proceeded to massage her feet, pressing his thumbs into certain pressure points that oddly only aroused Marlena more. Waves of need swept her nerves as his fingers whispered up over her skin again, almost burning at each fleeting touch. She was close to whimpering as his thumbs caressed the skin of her inner thigh. He worked still upwards with his hands until he once again reached her shoulder. He felt her shudder as his lips brushed the nape of her neck, and he brushed her thick, golden hair to one side as he began to lavish more attention on her neck.
For her part, Marlena could barely think, but for the sensations that were flooding her body. Gene's lips were murmuring over her skin, his touch inflaming her already feverish senses. She hardly heard his whisper to turn over and it was more intuitive on her part than reactionary.
One strong hand quickly pinned her arms behind her head and she gasped as he ran the other over her breasts. Gene was gratified to see the way the colour ran to her cheeks and he bent down, crushing her lips with his. Marlena tried to raise her head to get closer to him but he raised his head out of her reach and looked down at her. Her hair lay about her face like a tousled golden halo, her lips stained vermilion, the colour of desire. Slowly, almost as though he were trying to imprint everything about her in his mind, the way she looked, the scent of her, the impossible softness of her skin, he bent to kiss her again. Covering her body with his, he kissed her tenderly, his lips and tongue conveying the depth of his love for her. Marlena disengaged one of her hands from his and brought it up to his face, tracing her fingers down the familiar contours of his cheek and across to the mouth that she loved so. Gene caught the hand in his and kissed her palm as he looked down at her.
They made love slowly this time, reveling in the sensations they created between them, trying to make each moment last just a little longer. And finally, they just lay together, luxuriating in their own warmth.
It was a while before Marlena realized that her foot had gone to sleep. She wiggled under Gene and opened his eyes. Without a word, he moved off her and removed the comforter from underneath them. He pulled it over Marlena and himself as she cuddled up to him. With a smile, he brushed the dampened hair from around her face and kissed her forehead.
"Thank-you," she whispered contentedly.
"For what?" he asked her as he held her in his arms
"For loving me," she replied simply before she snuggled closer to him, feeling safe and fulfilled. Gene buried his face in her hair and closed his eyes.
They fell asleep that way.
At four in the morning, Salem is a lonely place. There are a few stirrings of life, the rustle of stray cats behind dark buildings, the low rumble of a solitary taxicab. A few hardy souls stare at TV screens as insomnia burns the midnight oil. A child stirs in her bed, cocooned in a deep and dreamless sleep, while above, icy stars glitter, oblivious to the staccatto bursts of human life below.
John Black's loft is particularly deserted now. Devoid of life for days, it sits empty and quiescent, as though waiting for a family to bring it that spark of animation again. The sound of a telephone disturbs the silence, harshly discordant against a lifeless backdrop. The machine picks up and a woman's voice echoes into the empty void. Tears fall, and then there is silence once again.
John woke the next morning to the sound of childish voices in the adjoining room. He rolled over and looked at the clock. It was barely seven in the morning. He groaned, having barely slept at all the previous night. The question of what to do about Marlena had revolved in endless circles through his mind, and sleep had been elusive, to say the least. He closed his eyes and rolled over again, pulling the sheet up over his chest as he searched desperately for several more minutes of broken sleep. Nevertheless, he was thwarted as the childish voices were replaced by soft sniffles, and his protective heart was broken by the sound of misery.
Quickly he swung his legs out of the bed and threw the hotel robe on over his shoulders. In three strides, he was in the children's bedroom where he found Belle in tears on the floor. Brady, in the loving act of a big brother, had his arm around her and was comforting her as much as he could. "Belle baby, honey, what's wrong?" John asked as took her into his arms. Belle looked up at him, her tiny angelic face stained with tears, but she remained silent. "Belle?" John entreated gently. "Sweetheart, please tell me what's wrong. Did you hurt yourself."
Belle looked at him for a moment and then her mouth set into a stubborn line. She shook her head, her blue eyes suddenly flashing with a four-year old's ire, and he could feel her body tense against him.
"Then what is it baby?" John asked again. When she did not answer, he looked back at Brady. It seemed obvious that Belle was angry and upset over something. Maybe Brady knew what it was.
"Brady, can you tell me what's upset your sister slugger?" Brady looked uncertainly at John and then at Belle. The little girl said nothing and Brady looked back to his father.
"Belle wants to go home," he said tentatively. John looked at him, in surprise as he digested Brady's words. It was suddenly obvious to him that Belle was not the only one that felt that way.
"Is that it Belle?" John asked her quietly. "Do you want to go home?"
"Wanna see Mommy," Belle said, her bottom lip quivering as she nodded.
"Oh, you miss your Momma?" John was rewarded by dispirited nods from both the children and he suddenly felt dreadful.
In his despondency over Marlena, he had barely stopped to think how this was affecting the children. A sudden stab of guilt accompanied the realization that he had done exactly what Caroline had warned him against. Taking the children away had been a spur of the moment decision, based partly on the fact that he missed them so much. But now he realized he'd subconsciously had an agenda, and he he'd convinced himself that the children were having a wonderful time in order to further that agenda.
With hushing sounds, he rocked Belle as she began to cry again, the sounds of her sobs tearing at him.
"It's okay punkin' girl," he cooed gently. "If you want to go home and see Mommy, we'll go home." He looked at both of the children, a small smile creeping onto his chastened face. "How does later on today sound?"
Most of the day passed before John was able to get them clearance to fly back to Salem. A storm front on the East Coast had made flying dangerous and his pilot had opted to wait until the worst of the storm had blown out to sea before flying back to Salem. It was finally around six in the evening that he made the call and filed a flight plan. It didn't take long for John got the children packed and to the airport.
The flight home took several, bumpy hours and neither of the children slept much during it. Instead, happy to be going home, they played contentedly on the floor of the cabin, while their father watched them from the plush leather seat. Finally, they landed in Salem where it was cool and still, and took a taxi back to the loft.
John carried a sleepy Belle in one arm and held Brady's hand with the other as the cab driver followed them up with their baggage. The man placed the baggage inside the grey loft door and John tipped the man well before sliding the door closed. He left the bags where they were, exhaustion overtaking him, and he carried both of the children upstairs. It seemed that the children were not the only ones fatigued by recent events, and it was all John could do to get them changed into their pyjamas and have them brush their teeth.
However, instead of going to their beds in the next room, Belle and Brady decided that they preferred to cuddle up with Daddy for a while. John had no heart to refuse them after everything that had happened and they all piled into his bed, snuggling together. He pulled the comforter around them, intending to wait until the children had gone to sleep before carrying them to their own beds. And yet, he never got that far, falling into a sound sleep within minutes.
Sleep claimed him so fast he never even noticed the red light blinking on the answering machine.
It was an early phone-call from Nicole that woke John the next morning. She had called him on his cell-phone, assuming he was still out of town, and he had spent several moments fumbling around in his clothes before he had found the small device. Thankfully, the call had not woken the children and John had taken the phone downstairs with him.
Simultaneously, he made himself a fresh pot of coffee and instructed Nicole on her tasks for the day. She had informed him that the removal of Kristen Blake's belongings had gone smoothly before ringing off for the day. John poured himself a cup of strong, black coffee and walked to the window. He opened the blind and looked out over the rooftops that surrounded his building. He gave a beleaguered sigh, no closer to a decision than he had been the morning before. If anything, he was more confused.
He yawned and took a sip of the scalding liquid as he contemplated what to do today. It seemed that he had only two options. One was to drop the children with Caroline and accept the fact that Marlena had moved on. That wouldn't leave him any closer to a resolution for himself, but at least he would be heeding her wishes. At least those ones she had told him. Of course, that was his other option. To suppose that he may not know the whole story. He could take the children back to the penthouse and try to talk to Marlena, as hard as that may be.
It seemed that the last few years, the biggest obstacles that they had needed to surmount in order to be together, had been themselves. Maybe if they hadn't assumed so much and had instead trusted their feelings, they wouldn't have suffered so much. Instead, they had been far too concerned with doing the right thing and too afraid of hurting each other and the people they loved, they had tucked their feelings away.
John walked over to the table and picked up a photo of Marlena. It was taken several years ago, and she was holding an infant Belle. He ran his thumb over the ceramic frame as he studied the smiling faces. God, she was so beautiful and he loved her so much. He just could not begin to imagine his life without those sparkling eyes and that smile to guide him.
He put the picture down again and took another mouthful of the coffee, chastising himself. It was easy to imagine that everything would be just fine, until he remembered what he had seen, first in Marlena's penthouse, and then in New York. As much as he wanted to believe that she loved only him, the images of her with Eugene were burned into his mind, and enough to make him want to abandon his quest before he even started it.
What if she laughed at him? He had heard her tell Eugene that she loved him. Marlena didn't lie, if John knew anything about her, he knew that. What if he was asking her to make another decision that she couldn't make. Was that at all fair to her?
John shook his head. They had been in this situation too many times before and had shied away from the hard questions. And far from saving pain, they had only caused more of it. It was time to stop second guessing Marlena and making assumptions. Things may be exactly as they appeared, but as painful as that might be, he still had to find that out. He owed that to both of them.
John put down the coffee and turning for the stairs, he took them two at a time with the intention of getting the children dressed and ready to take to the penthouse. However, entering the bedroom, he was surprised to find Belle and Brady still fast asleep and he sat on the edge of the bed, watching them with a small smile. All his hopes and dreams were wrapped up his children, these two angels and the new baby that was on the way. They represented so many joys and struggles of the past and they embodied the soul of his future, whichever way that it should turn out.
He smiled and brushed the blonde hair from Belle's face with his index finger. A little more sleep wouldn't hurt them, given the energy they had expended on the trip south. Getting up from the bed, John pulled the comforter further over the children and then, pulling on a tee-shirt, he went back downstairs.
He pulled his fingers through his unruly hair as he leafed through the mail that had arrived in his absence. There was nothing of particular interest and he dropped the sheaf of letters on the table next to the telephone. It was then that he noticed the flashing red light, indicating he had voice-mail.
He hit the button on the machine and walked away from the phone. There was a call from Caroline, one from a business associate, and a hang-up. The next message was the one that caught his attention. He almost didn't recognize her voice at first, it was tear-filled and slightly slurred and she sounded devoid of all hope.
"John," Kristen's voice cracked and there was a long pause, "John, I'm so sorry." There was a sound caught somewhere between a sob and a hiccup before she continued. "John, I know you hate me now, but I'm sorry. All I ever wanted was for you to love me." Her voice, more drunken as the seconds passed, became tinged with bitterness. "I should have known you wouldn't ever love anyone but your precious *Marlena*. But you know what John? She doesn't deserve you." John heard a thump in the background, and his brow furrowed with worry. "I saw her tonight you know. Your *Doc* and her *lover*. They were out dancing." She began to sob between her ramblings. "I wouldn't have treated you like that baby. I would have loved you and I would have done anything for you. Not like that *whore*." John flinched at Kristen's words and her obvious hatred for Marlena. "But, you don't love me," her voice degenerated into complete self-pity, "and I can't live without you John. I just can't do it.....can't....do....it." Her voice was low and slurred now, and it was becoming difficult to hear her. John approached the machine in time to catch her final whispered words. "Bye baby....."
As John stared in fright at the phone, he heard the crash of the receiver falling to the floor. He swallowed, his throat tight and dry. The time stamp on the machine told him Kristen had made the call at four a.m. the previous morning. More than twenty-four hours ago.
John suddenly felt terrified. What if she had tried to kill herself? He would be far too late to save her. It would be his all fault; the death of Kristen and the baby she was carrying would be on his hands. As much as he was angry at Kristen for what had happened, he knew it was not all her fault. And he had certainly never intended to make her feel so wretched.
He felt as if he were frozen to the spot as the machine clicked over to the next message. He was still dwelling on Kristen when he realized that it was Mike Horton's voice.
".... Kristen. They brought her in a couple of hours ago John and she's looking pretty bad. I'm not sure what's going to happen to her or the baby, but I think maybe you should get down here."
John took a deep breath. She was still alive when they got her to the hospital. Maybe there was still hope. Sending up a silent prayer, he ran back upstairs.
It didn't take him long to get the children changed and into the jeep. He dropped them at the pub with a brief explanation for Caroline and a promise to the children that he would be over to see them later. He drove to the hospital, his heart racing all the way. He had tried to call Mike, but the doctor had been busy and no-one seemed to want to release any information about Kristen at all. Whether that was a good or bad omen, he wasn't sure.
The one thing that made him feel more guilty than anything was when he realized that he was praying more for the baby's survival than for Kristen's. He couldn't help it, the baby was so important to him now, it was all he had left of Marlena. After everything he had gone through to ensure the child's safety, to lose it now was too much for him to bear. Could Marlena ever forgive him? Could he ever forgive himself?
He pulled into the parking lot of the hospital and jumped out of the jeep, practically running through the corridors of the hospital as he tried to find Mike. Finally, he cornered the doctor as he was coming out of a patient's room.
"Mike!" John was fighting for breath as he caught up with him. "Mike, Kristen....is....is she...?"
Mike turned to John, his face deadly serious. He didn't know where John had been till now, and he didn't really care. All he knew was his patient needed John's reassurance, whatever it cost him.
"John, Kristen is alright. For now." John walked down the corridor with the white-coated young man. "She's seriously depressed John, and she tried to overdose on tranquilizers. Luckily Peter came back to town unexpectedly and he found her. If he hadn't....." John blanched a whiter shade of pale. He knew exactly what Mike was saying. If Peter hadn't stopped by Kristen's when he did, he'd be visiting her in a morgue right now, instead of a hospital bed.
"Tranquilizers?" he asked cautiously as they rounded the corner into Mike's office. "Mike, what about...."
"The baby is fine as far as we can tell," Mike finished the question for him as they both sat down. "It seems that we got to her in enough time to remove the tranquilizers from her stomach before too much got into her system. She was drinking quite heavily though. There's no telling what effect that may have had. We'll know in the next few days when the tests start coming through."
John leaned his head back in relief. At least the baby was still alive.
"John, I have to tell you that I am seriously worried about Kristen's state of mind." Mike tapped his pen against the desk as he spoke, trying to arrange his thoughts in some semblance of order. "If we release her once she's better and she's still depressed like this, I have no doubt that she will try to do this again." His tone was grave. "And next time, she will probably succeed."
"Well, what can we do Mike? How can we stop her doing this again?" He looked at Mike, only to find him shaking his head. "Mike, there has to be something we can do, some kind of protective custody that will stop her hurting herself." He sounded desperate and Mike felt sorry for him.
"John, I have to be honest with you. There's not much we can do." He crossed his arms on the desk in front of him and looked down at the white desk pad below him. Collecting his thoughts, he looked up at a crushed John. "There is the possibility that we can commit Kristen to a hospital psychiatric ward for her protection, but it would only be a very temporary measure and I believe that it would do more harm than good. In this state I think she will do anything to stop being miserable, wherever she is. We could only keep her there for a maximum of a few weeks and as soon as she is released, we are back to square one. Other than that, there are no legal recourses. There is nothing we can legally do to stop Kristen trying to commit suicide again."
He sighed wearily and rubbed his eyes. He felt jaded and sounded almost resigned to the unfairness of the situation. "This is something we encounter from time to time and it is one of the most frustrating aspects of this job. I can assign medication to Kristen, but I can't make her take it. And the medication is problematic in itself. Most anti-depressants are teratogenic, meaning that they pass across the placenta and into the baby's blood stream. Given the problems with the pregnancy and the possible damage sustained by the ingestion of the tranquilizers and the alcohol, I would have major reservations about prescribing any of these medications."
"So you're saying there is nothing we can do?" John ran his fingers through his hair in despair. "Not even with her suicide attempts threatening the life of that baby?"
"Nothing we can do *legally* John." Mike felt terrible doing this to John, but he felt there were no other options. "There is a suggestion that I want you to consider very carefully."
"What Mike? If there's something I can do, I'll do it." John's resolution was unequivocal.
"Just listen before you commit yourself," Mike suggested.
"All right, what is it?"
"John, the root of Kristen's depression seems to lie with your break-up. She's distraught over losing you and the thought of bringing up this baby by herself." They exchanged looks. That was certainly one piece of information that could *not* come out now. "I believe that the only thing that will really change Kristen's frame of mind right now is to give her some hope. She has to know that she is not alone and that she is loved. And I think that the only person that can do that for her is you John."
John felt his heart sinking. He knew what Mike was getting at. In order to save Kristen and his baby, he would have to pretend to care about her again, to give her false hope. He wasn't at all sure he could do that.
"And how would you suggest that I give her hope Mike?" he asked stiffly.
"I think she needs to be somewhere that you can watch her pretty much constantly. It has to be somewhere that can be made safe. And you have to be there to reassure her that you care about her and what happens to her." Mike caught John's downfallen look and felt sympathy for the man's plight. Even after all the mistakes that he had made, he didn't deserve this.
John thought quickly. Kristen's house wasn't an option. It was too big and he didn't think, given what had happened there in the past that she would feel safe there. That left the loft. His only option, if he was to do this, was to move her into the loft and look after her there. The thought was enough to make him shudder.
"How many people know about this Mike? About the suicide attempt I mean."
"Only a minimal number," Mike replied. "Peter wanted it kept very quiet. The paramedics that brought her in know, as do the two nurses who are assigned to her. I had to bring in the psych registrar Dr. Welter to consult and now you know too. It's Peter's request that no-one else know about Kristen's admittance and certainly not the circumstances."
"Not even Doc?" John's face registered his vexation as he chewed over the ramifications of all that he had learnt so far.
"Not even Marlena." Mike shook his head. "I'm sorry John, but I can't go against Peter's wishes. He is her next of kin."
John nodded, his reply cut short by the beep of Mike's pager. Mike unclipped the object from his waist and peered at the LCD readout.
"I'm needed in the ER," he explained as he stood up. "I need you to think about this very carefully John. Once you make a decision, there will be no turning back." John nodded stoically.
"When do you need my decision?"
"Just as soon as you can possibly make it," Mike replied, his hand on the doorknob. John stood and followed him to the door.
"Thanks Mike, I'll let you know as soon as I can." He exited the office followed by Mike and watched him hasten off in the direction of the emergency room.
John made his way to the entrance of the hospital and found a bench outside. He hoped the clear air would help him to think about this rationally. All he could think about was what Marlena's reaction would be if and when she found that he had moved Kristen back into the apartment. And for Kristen's and the baby's safety he wouldn't be able to tell Marlena the truth about it. She would think that he had given up and returned to Kristen. He couldn't imagine causing Marlena that kind of pain again, even after finding her with Eugene, for now he knew truly how much that seeing him with Kristen had cost Marlena.
Nevertheless, his alternative could possibly cost more. The life of the child that Kristen carried. And that wasn't something he was willing to risk. He didn't want to give Kristen false hope, but if it would keep her safe until the baby was born, what other option did he have? He didn't like it, but it was what was best for everyone at this point. He could only hope that it was what was right for everyone too.
He looked up at the green spring leaves on the trees before his eyes swept around the packed parking lot. Could he do it? Could he lie to Marlena about his feelings for her and for Kristen?
It seemed, if he was going to make this work, he had no other choice.
Marlena wiped her mouth with the linen napkin and pushed herself away from the table. Q watched her walk to the door, marveling at how admirably her body filled the pair of Levi's she was wearing. Marlena felt his eyes on her and she turned as she reached the door.
"Behave yourself," she winked at him before opening the door.
Her face broke into a beaming smile as she saw who stood there. It was almost instantaneous and the children were in her arms. Caroline couldn't help the twitch of a smile that crossed her face as she saw how happy the children were to see their mother. And that Marlena was just as happy to see them.
"Oh, my beautiful babies," Marlena moved back to take a look at her children's grinning faces. "Oh, Mommy missed you *so* much." She pulled them into another hug.
"We missed you to Mom," Brady told her.
"You did?" Marlena mussed his chestnut brown hair before looking up at Caroline. "Well it's just as well Granma brought you home huh?"
"John dropped them off a little while ago," Caroline placed the children's bags by the door. "I thought you'd want to see them as soon as possible."
"Oh I did, I did." Marlena stood with Belle in her arms. "Thanks Caroline."
"No thanks necessary," Caroline stood awkwardly in the doorway as Eugene walked up behind Marlena. She was surprised to see that Brady ran to him, and he swung the little boy around in the air.
"Hey, did you have a good time?" he asked Brady. Brady nodded his head boisterously.
"Daddy took us to Disneyworld," he told Gene.
"He did?" Q seemed terribly interested in what Brady was telling him as he carried him to the sofa. Marlena watched them with a smile before she turned back to Caroline.
"Please, come in Caroline," she invited the older woman as she put a squirming Belle back down on the floor.
"Oh well...I-" Caroline was interrupted by a squeal from Belle as she jumped on Eugene. Marlena giggled as he feigned near-death from the impact. With a happy smile, she turned back to Caroline.
"Please," she gestured for Caroline to come in. "We were just having a late breakfast. There's plenty of fruit and coffee." She saw Caroline's equivocation and instinctively took her by the hand. "Just for a few minutes. Please?" Caroline looked at the smiling Marlena and suddenly she didn't have the heart to refuse.
"Alright then," she smiled and shrugged off her coat. "Just for a few minutes."
Eugene poured Caroline a coffee and she sat on the sofa as he and Marlena finished their breakfast. The children ate as well, playing mix and match with Marlena and Q's laps as they did. Caroline joined in the laughter from time to time, particularly when Belle was relating Brady and John's reaction to the rides at Disneyworld. She could see how happy the children were to be back with their mother and a look of regret passed across her face as she considered that the children couldn't have the one thing they really wanted.
"Daddy taked us to the movies,' Belle was saying happily in between bites of juicy watermelon.
"Daddy *took* you," Marlena corrected as she leaned over to where Belle was sitting on Eugene's lap and wiped the sticky mess from her chin. "He did? What did you see?"
"One Hunded and One Dalmashuns," the little girl enunciated slowly.
"Oh, one of my favourites," Marlena smiled before popping a grape into her mouth. "So did you like it?"
"'Cept for the bad lady," Belle informed them nonchalantly. "She was like Kwisten."
Brady looked up at Marlena as he felt her start to cough. Belle was blissfully unaware that she had almost caused her mother to choke. Q started to move, but trying to hide a grin, she waved him away as she nodded her head.
"I'm fine," she croaked as she wiped the tears from the corner of her eyes.
Earlier she had been profoundly relieved to find that Kristen had not accompanied them on this trip. She tried to tell herself that it was Kristen's influence on the children she was concerned about, and she was almost successful. That was, until the memory of what she had seen in the loft surfaced, and then the old familiar pain started to echo inside her.
Disregarding her reaction to Kristen's name, Marlena carried on the conversation as though nothing had happened. The children certainly had no shortage of stories to regale her with and several times she looked up to find Eugene watching her. He winked at her and she smiled before turning back to Brady who was now down on the floor playing with a fire engine that John had brought him.
Caroline watched the breakfast interaction closely. Although she sensed Marlena's discomfort at the mention of John, she could also see the closeness between her and Eugene.
It wasn't that they were flaunting anything. In fact, it was quite the opposite. They were being very discreet in front of the children, but Caroline wasn't blind. She saw the looks that passed between them, and the occasional touch that was enough to signal their intimacy. She saw the sparkle in Marlena's eyes that hadn't been there in so long and she felt oddly like she was betraying John. For she couldn't help but be glad that Marlena was finding some happiness, and she had no doubt that she was when she saw her laugh as she had this morning.
John watched the two nurses emerge into the sunlight for the break, and suddenly felt the need to be anywhere but this place. He needed to clear his mind and sitting in front of the hospital wasn't really conducive to that. Not when Kristen was lying inside. And certainly not when he had a decision like this to make.
Pulling his keys out of his pocket, John strode to his jeep and within minutes, he found himself outside St. Luke's. He killed the motor and sat, looking at the church, wondering why he found himself hesitant to enter God's house. It took him a moment before he realized that it was because, after everything he had been through, he felt himself to be a hypocrite. He had spent so many years denying the love he felt for Marlena, a love that it seemed God Himself had blessed. And now, when he had thrown it away in one careless gesture, screwing up so many people's lives, he was going to ask God's help to make a decision about Kristen.
He studied the church for a moment longer and then, with a heavy heart, he opened the door and slipped out of the jeep.
"So you had a good time then," Marlena said, almost to herself. She didn't expect Brady's reply.
"Yeah, 'cept we missed you Momma," he said with an angelic smile. Marlena's eyes softened as she pulled Brady onto her lap and hugged him.
"Oh, I missed you too baby. I missed you both so much."
"Daddy told me I don't have to live with Kristen," he told her brightly.
"He did?" Marlena looked at Brady and then Caroline with a measure of surprise. Quite frankly, she had expected that would be the last thing that John would tell Brady. But then maybe Kristen wanted John all to herself, to stat their new *family*.
Suddenly, and unexpectedly she felt overwhelmingly nauseated and all she could think about was getting out of the stifling atmosphere of the living room.
"'Scuse me," she muttered, though it was barely intelligible. Gene watched with concern as she stood, Brady scrambling off her lap. Her face was ashen as she made a run for the bathroom and Gene turned to Caroline.
"Can you watch the kids for a moment?" he asked quietly.
"Sure." Caroline nodded her head quickly, just as concerned as he was about Marlena's sudden illness.
He found Marlena leaning over the basin as she washed her face with a cool cloth.
"Honey?" he asked quietly, "are you alright?" Marlena leaned on the counter for support as she closed her eyes and swallowed. She had already lost most of her breakfast but she didn't feel much better. "Marlena?" she could hear the worry in his voice as he neared her. Turning around, she managed a wan smile as she nodded.
"I think maybe that Chinese last night was bad," she said shakily.
"Do you want to go and lie down?" he asked as he reached for her hand.
"Mmmm," she nodded her head, trying to ignore the returning surge of nausea.
"Do you think you can make it upstairs?" he took note of her bloodshot eyes and suppressed a pang of anxiety.
"Mmm-hmmm," she nodded her head, "there's no need to worry the children." Looking up at him, she smiled and smoothed her thumb across his frown. "And you needn't look so worried either. I'll be just fine."
"If you say so," he sounded unconvinced.
"I say so," she nodded as she slipped her arm around him. "You're sweet to worry, but it's just a little bit of food poisoning. I've faced worse."
He nodded his implicit agreement and helped her into the living room where she explained to Belle and Brady that she wasn't feeling too well and was going to lie down. Insisting that she didn't need help, she ascended the steps to her bedroom. The four in the living room watched her until she passed through the doorway and then Caroline turned to Eugene.
"I'd better be getting back to the pub," she smiled awkwardly "Shawn will be getting ready for the lunch rush."
"Alright then," Q nodded. "Thanks for bringing the children up. They cheered Marlena up a lot."
Caroline simply returned his nod and walked to the door.
He helped her on with her coat and opened the door for her. She stepped out and then paused momentarily. Biting her lip, she turned around and looked at him.
"Look after her, won't you," she requested with troubled eyes. "She's not as strong as she pretends to be."
"I will," he gave her a gentle smile, "I would do anything for her you know." Caroline looked at him for a moment, her expression one of consideration.
"I believe you would, too," she nodded her head acknowledging the truth of his words. "Just as long as you realize that what she wants may not always be the right thing for her." With one last glance, she left Q to ponder her words.
John lit one of the many small candles at the front of the church and then crossed himself before sitting in the front pew. Putting his head in his hands, he asked for forgiveness.
"I know I've strayed," he said softly. "Please Lord, I need your forgiveness. I have made terrible mistakes and I have hurt the people that loved me most. I was gullible and I was weak, but I was not the only one to suffer. And as much as I was deceived by Kristen, I know my actions hurt her too. Please forgive me for hurting Marlena and the children...and Kristen." He paused for a moment, looking around the empty church. The church where he had married Marlena, for better or for worse. Well they had certainly been through worse.
"Lord, I have a hard decision to make and I need your guidance." His prayer was heartfelt. He didn't know if he could do this on his own. "If I don't help Kristen, she could die. She and the baby that she carries." He paused, remembering the other baby that had been lost several months ago and he sent up a silent prayer for the tiny life. "If I do help her, I feel that I will be living a lie. I will not be able to tell Marlena why, and even if she is moving on with her life, I don't want to do that to her. I don't want her to feel that she meant that little to me." He looked down at the stone floor reflectively. "Maybe I'm being selfish, I don't know. I just don't know what to do. Or at least, I don't know if I have the strength to do it." He closed his eyes and leaned back against the hard honey-coloured wood of the pew with a deep, sorrowful sigh. "Please Lord, help me decide what to do. Send me a sign to guide me, because I don't think I can make this decision on my own."
To any passerby, Austin Reed would have appeared exceptionally bored as he followed his wife through Salem Place. That assumption would be only half the truth as Carrie had dragged him down to the mall to shop for baby accoutrements. The fact was, that he had gone under sufferance, still having problems reconciling himself to the fact that they would be joined by a baby in a little less than six months.
Actually the real truth was not that he didn't want a baby. It was just that now was such a bad time financially.
They had been planning to buy a new house, but what he hadn't yet told Carrie was that he had dipped into their savings, leaving them a very small buffer zone. When Grant Whittaker had appeared in Salem so unexpectedly several months ago, he had been followed by an old Boston gambling partner of Austin's.
David Jennings had been serving out a lengthy sentence for aggravated assault when Austin had skipped town owing him money. It had taken him this long to track down his debtor, and when he had, he had wasted no time in threatening Carrie's life. Austin had been forced to pay him out the money he owed, but it had taken most of their savings to do it. Now he was just waiting for the inevitable moment that Carrie discovered what he had done.
In the meantime, he spent most of his waking hours agonizing over what he had done, how he had betrayed Carrie's trust and lied to her. And the baby just compounded matters. He wanted to love it, but instead all it represented to him was more hardship. So he was angry with himself and he took it out on Carrie, which made him all the more angry. It was a vicious cycle, and every move he made, compounded it.
Carrie, oblivious to the torment that Austin was suffering, pulled him over to the cribs.
"Isn't this one adorable?" she pointed to the white crib and then turned to Austin with an enthusiastic smile.
"Sure," the sight of her glowing face only made him feel worse. He really wanted to share this with her, but he just couldn't.
"Austin," she flicked her blonde hair off her face. "I was hoping for a little more input than just 'sure'."
"What do you want me to say Carrie?" he blurted out angrily. "You know how I feel about this. We can't afford a crib this expensive. I'm sure someone in your family has one they can lend us. We don't need to be buying all this stuff."
Carrie stared at him for a moment, and shook her head.
"I don't get you," she said softly, "why can't you be happy? Why can't you just show this baby a little love? I want this baby to have the best start in life, and if that means dipping into our savings a little then so be it."
"Whatever you want Carrie," Austin snapped back, the mention of the savings snapping what little control he still had, "because it's obvious you'll go ahead and do it anyway."
With that, he walked out of the store. Carrie stood and watched him go, her eyes tearing up. This wasn't getting any better. In fact, it only seemed to be getting worse.
By mid-afternoon, Marlena was feeling quite a bit better and Gene was surprised to find her suggesting that they go out. While he tried to argue that she needed to rest, she was more insistent than he, and Belle and Brady were quick to join her side of the argument. By the time he gave in, the children had decided that they wanted to go to Johnny Angel's for an early dinner.
It was twenty minutes later that they found themselves at Salem Place, watching Belle and Brady as they deliberated over which toy they wanted in the window of the toy shop. Marlena turned to Q with a twinkling in her eyes as she discreetly took his hand in hers.
"Thank-you," she mouthed.
"For what?" he seemed genuinely confused.
"For giving in to me yet again," she grinned.
"You know I can't resist that smile," he winked at her as he squeezed her fingers.
"Well, that's not the only thing," she turned to look at the children who were still happily engrossed in arguing over who was better, Elmo or Flubber. "Thank you for not being obvious about us in front of the kids. I think with all that they've been through recently, it's better not to confuse them any more than we have to."
"I had a feeling that might be the way you preferred to handle it," he nodded as he watched them. "The last thing I want to do is upset them, or make them feel as though I'm trying to take their father's place."
"It's the way I want to handle it for right *now*," Marlena turned to him, "when it's the right time we can and will tell them. I just don't think it's fair to hit them with it right now."
"Especially not when they want you and John to get back together?" The words were out before he could bite them back and his eyes widened in horror. "I'm sorry Marlena, I didn't mean..."
"That's okay," her eyes burned as she turned back to watch the children. She had heard the well-disguised insecurity in Gene's voice, but more than that, the truth of his statement had hit her and the pain she had felt had been quite unexpected.
For as much as she knew that the love that she and John had shared was over, that knowledge didn't stop the pain that accompanied her loss. She tried as hard as she could to put it, and John, out of her mind, and for the most part, she succeeded. What was the point in torturing herself by reliving the inevitable over and over again? But every so often, it caught her by surprise and the intensity of those emotions left her winded.
Covering her disquiet, she turned back to him with a smile. "They'll come to realize in time that not all their wishes can come true." He voice dropped, as she added, "we all have to learn that lesson sooner or later." Any further opportunity for conversation was interrupted by the children who had decided that toys were no longer as interesting as hot-dogs, and they made their way to Johnny Angels.
Carrie was walking through the mall when she saw the four of them at the table. She momentarily considered slipping away before they saw her, but Marlena caught her eye before she could make any move.
"Carrie," she called out waving her free hand.
Carrie froze for a moment. She wasn't sure she was up to the inevitable questions, but there seemed to be no way of avoiding them at the moment. She could make her excuses quickly, but she wasn't sure Marlena would stand for that. Hearing her name again she sighed. Steeling herself, she pasted on a smile and made her way across to their table.
"Hi there you guys," she gave Belle and Brady a kiss each, "how are you doing?" She waited for the requisite childish answers before moving onto greet Marlena and Eugene. It didn't take any more time than that for Marlena to work out that something was wrong.
"Carrie honey, is everything alright?" she had noted Carrie's pallor and the fact that she looked suspiciously as though she had been crying.
"I'm fine Marlena," she crossed her arms in front of her, holding her purse to her chest as though it would ward off the difficult questions.
"Are you sure?" Carrie had never been a very good liar and Marlena knew it.
"I'm sure," she looked at Marlena's worried expression and her smile faltered. "Austin and I just had a fight, that's all. It's not a big deal." Marlena regarded her for a moment, gauging her words.
"If you're sure," she said slowly. It was obvious that whatever was wrong, it was something that Carrie didn't want to talk about right now and she didn't want to pressure her any more than she already had. "You know where I am if you want to talk about anything, okay?"
"Sure," Carrie nodded, relieved that Marlena hadn't wanted to push the issue any further. She wasn't prepared to open up about this in front of everyone right now. Still, there was something that she wanted to talk to Marlena about.
"Marlena, there is something that I have been concerned about that I though you should know." She slipped onto the stool next to her stepmother.
"What was that honey?" Marlena took a sip from her iced tea as she waited expectantly. Carrie looked at Belle and Brady and was relieved to find that they were happily engrossed in their messy hotdogs.
"I'm worried about Sami, Marlena. She says that she's been getting strange phone-calls and she told Austin that she thinks that somebody may have broken into her apartment." She paused, choosing her words carefully. "There hasn't been any proof of her claims and Austin doesn't believe her. I'm not so sure myself." She sighed wearily. "I've tried to talk to Austin and I've tried to call Sami but she doesn't want to talk to me. She claims that she's just fine and that she doesn't need any help. It may be nothing to worry about but..."
Marlena felt a cold ball of fear unfurl in the pit of her stomach as she looked first at Carrie and then at Gene.
"She hasn't called me," she said in a small voice.
"You know how she is Marlena," Carrie's voice was tinged with frustration. "She's proud and she thinks she can cope with problems on her own. She probably thinks that because Austin didn't believe her, neither will the rest of us."
"Do you think she might be in danger?" Q interrupted. Carrie turned to him, her face lined with exhaustion.
"Probably not," she shook her head. "Sami is prone to exaggeration. It's probably nothing to worry about." She turned back to Marlena.
"I just thought you should know and maybe you can call her or something."
"I will," Marlena nodded, with a smile she did not feel. "Thanks honey."
Carrie managed a small smile as she stood up again.
"I'd better get going."
"Oh, can't you stay for lunch?" Marlena entreated.
"Thanks, but I've got lots to catch up on," Carrie leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "It was great to see you."
"Alright honey." Marlena squeezed her hand. "Call by and see me soon won't you?"
Carrie nodded and said her good-byes. As she walked away from the table, someone else watched her go.
John had come to Salem Place after visiting the St. Luke's, even though he had not been sure why. He had told himself that he was going to buy some flowers for Kristen, but as he watched Eugene take Marlena's hand under the table, he wasn't so sure.
He felt a bolt of irrational jealousy slash through him as she smiled at Gene. John saw him lift his fingers to her face and run his fingers across her cheek and he felt like he was losing her all over again. It seemed as if the other man's touch smoothed away her sadness and John felt that it was though it settled on him. He just couldn't bear seeing her with someone else. Instead of getting easier, it just seemed to become harder. He didn't know how he was supposed to live in the same town, and keep seeing her with Eugene. He couldn't imagine living with this pain every time he saw her, and for the first time, he understood why it was that Roman had felt he had to leave town.
At the table, Marlena giggled as she leaned over to wipe Belle's face clear of mustard and ketchup, before Gene hoisted the little girl onto his shoulders. John swallowed as he watched Belle's animated laughter. The little girl wrapped her little hands around Gene's forehead and he stood up. Marlena caught Brady up off his stool and settled him on her hip.
John watched them, unable to tear his eyes away until they were out of sight. Then he turned away himself. He closed his eyes and shook his head, suddenly deadly tired. He had been searching for a way to make a decision about Kristen, looking for a sign to guide him. He hadn't known where or what form that sign would take.
But a sinking feeling told him that he'd just been sent the sign he had asked for.
The sun slanted across the park, illuminating shafts of the mossy grass so that they glowed an almost verdant green. Birds swooped from tree to tree, chasing mates and the best nesting sites, the lacy green of the spring leaves providing just enough cover. Gene held onto Belle's legs as they walked slowly, her vantage point on his shoulders giving her a great view of the surrounding park.
Her attention was caught for a moment as she saw a Dalmatian puppy gambol past, closely followed by his jogging owner. She giggled, bouncing up and down on Gene's shoulders with childish enthusiasm.
"Momma, can we have a puppy?" she asked, not for the first time.
"No honey, you know we can't have a puppy at the penthouse. It's against the rules of the building," Marlena explained patiently.
"Oh yeah," Belle looked crestfallen. She had thought a puppy was a great idea. Whoever made those rules was pretty mean as far as she could see. "Why s'it against de rules Mommy?" she asked.
Marlena took a deep breath. She had been through this before.
"Because there's nowhere for a puppy to play honey." She smiled up at her golden-haired daughter. "Puppies need lots and lots of care. We're not at home enough to look after a puppy. They need somewhere to run around and go to the toilet. A puppy just couldn't do that up at home."
"Oh," Belle looked as if she were mulling over the information. She nodded her head carefully. "Okay."
Marlena halfway expected her next suggestion be that they move to a new house, but her attention was caught by the playground off to her right.
"Wanna go play!" she called brightly before she squirmed to be let down. Marlena helped her down off Gene's shoulders and they followed Belle and Brady to the playground.
After long minutes of pushing the children on the swings and helping them on the seesaw, Marlena and Gene took the opportunity to sit down on the bench as Belle and Brady played on the slide.
"She's quite a character that daughter of yours," Q said with a smile as he watched Belle with her hands on her hips, ordering Brady around.
"Mmmmm," Marlena murmured, a faraway expression on her face.
"Marlena?" he slipped his arm around her waist, "are you okay?"
"Hmmm?" she looked up and found his concerned eyes focused on her. "Oh, I'm sorry honey." She turned back to the children, a faraway look in her eyes. Her voice was fogged with emotion as she spoke again. "I was just thinking how quickly they grow up. It only seems like yesterday that Belle was a baby and now here there she is, all grown up." She focused her eyes on her precious daughter. "I feel like I've missed so much."
"You haven't missed the things that really matter," Gene told her gently as he brushed a strand of golden hair behind her ear. "You haven't missed the way they smell after their bath, you haven't missed their laughter and joy, and you certainly haven't missed their love." He lifted her chin gently so that her eyes, a shining cinnamon in the afternoon light, found his. "Do you have any idea how much those children adore you?" Marlena smiled through her tears.
"Not half as much as I adore them I'll bet."
"You'd be surprised," he whispered, wiping the dampness from her cheeks. She smiled and leaned against him, turning back to watch the children.
John walked into the hospital lost in thought. He didn't see Maggie until the split second before he walked into her, sending the files she was holding, sprawling haphazardly to the ground.
"Oh God, Maggie, I'm so sorry," he bent down to help her collect up the files.
"Are you okay John?" Maggie looked at him curiously, observing the pallid skin and signs of sleepless nights that lay half hidden beneath the scruffy beard.
"I'm fine," he managed a simple smile as he stood and handed her the folders.
Her brow furrowed as she considered him a little longer. There was something about him that she couldn't lay her finger on. There was a lost air about him, something that reminded her of when he first came to Salem, when he didn't know who he was. "I've got to go," he muttered before he turned and walked down the corridor. His shoulders were hunched over and he looked defeated. And yet there was something.....
Maggie looked down at the files in her hand and then back down the corridor. Back when he first came to Salem...... That was it. He was hiding something. Something he didn't feel he could tell anyone. Maggie's heart went out to him. She couldn't even begin to imagine how he was feeling right now. She had been through it before. She had lost people that she loved. And she didn't ever want to go through that again.
Marlena shivered slightly as the breeze picked up, cooling the air so that it edged icy fingers through her clothing. She pulled her sleeve back and looked at her watch. It was getting late.
Gene was already rounding up the children and she grinned as they came running toward her, their noses and cheeks a healthy pink.
"Hey, you two ready to go home?" she swung Belle up into her arms. "I would imagine a warm bath probably sounds pretty good doesn't it?" Belle nodded enthusiastically, cuddling up to her mother as they turned for the car. "'Kay lets go."
When they got back to the apartment, the first thing that Marlena did was to pick up the phone. The conversation with Carrie earlier had been nagging at her, and she had been unable to stop worrying. She knew that Carrie was probably right, Sami was prone to attention seeking and exaggeration, but that didn't stop her worrying about her daughter. She wouldn't be able to forgive herself if something happened to Sami and she wasn't there to help her.
An image of Alan Harris flashed before her eyes. She would never forget the day she had walked into Abe's office in time to hear Sami accuse Alan of rape. It had brought back many of the horrors she thought she had buried almost fifteen years previously. And Sami had pushed her away when she tried to comfort her. I failed her again.
Marlena dialed her daughter's number and let it ring. Sami picked up with a tentative "Hello?"
"Sami, honey hi,"
"Oh, hi Mom," Sami sounded offhand, almost annoyed to hear her mother's voice, but Marlena supposed it could be her paranoia that was colouring Sami's response. Sami could hear Marlena's pause and her tiredness got the better of her. "Was there something you wanted?"
"I...." Marlena felt her face colouring at Sami's shortness. "I ran into Carrie at the mall this afternoon. She said that someone has been bothering you." Sami pressed her lips together and rolled her eyes upwards. Two days ago, this call may have been welcomed. But nothing had happened since and Sami just wanted to get on with her life.
"Carrie shouldn't have said anything Mom. It's nothing you have to worry about."
"But I *do* worry sweetie." Marlena said quickly. "It didn't sound like nothing to me. She said that you thought someone might have broken into your apartment."
"I over-reacted," Sami said with irritation. "Just like Carrie obviously has. I'm fine Mom, nothing is happening so you can stop worrying."
"I'd feel better if you came and stayed with me for a while," Marlena persisted. She knew Sami's proclivity for pushing her away when she most needed her. "Or at least with your grandparents if you don't want to stay here."
"Mom," Sami's attempt to hide her annoyance was only half-hearted. Where had Marlena been when she *really* needed her? For her to poke her nose in now was merely salt in the wound. "If I need your help, I'll ask for it okay? Will and I are just fine where we are."
"Sami," Marlena's own tone hardened in an effort to get through to her daughter, "I *don't* want to see you getting into a situation that you can't handle. You're my daughter, I worry about you. Is that so hard to accept?"
"No." Sami sighed, feeling a little chagrined. "Mom, I appreciate the concern, but honestly, I'm fine." She looked down as Will tugged on her skirt. "If anything untoward happens I promise I'll call you okay? Right now I've got to get Will some dinner, so I gotta go. Thanks for calling, bye." She didn't even give Marlena a chance to answer before she hung up the phone.
"Yeah, like I want to move in with you and Eugene," she muttered as she looked at the silent telephone. "Gimme a *break*." Picking up Will, she settled him on her hip. "Your Granma must be delusional," she said to him with a half-smile as she carried him into the kitchen.
John stopped at the door to Kristen's room, his stomach lurching at the thought of what he was about to do. I have no choice. Taking a deep breath, he cast his eyes skyward. Lord, please forgive me for the lies I am about to tell.
He entered the darkened room, his footsteps echoing the hollow beep of the monitor that charted Kristen's health. She didn't look up when he came to the side of her bed. Instead, her lifeless eyes stared out of her pale, slack face, seeing only the abyss of hopelessness.
John looked at her, for a fleeting moment seeing the face of the woman he had once loved, and he hated himself for his weakness. She may have been the architect of her own downfall, but his lies had formed the foundation. His lies had caused pain for them all, and now here he was, being forced to lie again. He just hoped that this time, it wouldn't end in tragedy for all of them.
"Kristen?" he spoke slowly. "Kristen it's me, it's John." There was no response and he reached down and picked up her hand with his own. She felt cold to his touch and her hand was that of a stranger. Her fingers were limp as he closed his hand around them and sat on the edge of the bed. He didn't know what to say to her. He didn't know how to say the things that would save her, the things he did not feel.
Instinctively his eyes shifted to the softly swelling bulge of her belly, hidden beneath the hospital issue covers, and he felt a surge of love and protectiveness.
"Hey baby," he whispered, finding a focus for his words. "Don't you leave me now. I need you." He felt Kristen's hand tighten around his and he looked up as she shifted.
Her eyes found his with muted shades of disbelief.
"Hey," he managed a smile, "I've been worried about you."
"Why?" she croaked miserably, "you hate me. Why do you even care?"
"I don't hate you," he said softly. "It's just..." he paused, trying to find the right words, "It's taken me a while to find out where my priorities lie. I'm sorry if I hurt you Kristen. I *never* meant to hurt you like this." Kristen turned her head, her eyes welling with tears. "I made a terrible mistake," he said, fighting back the bile that rose in his throat. "Please baby, you have to let me make it up to you."
"Make it up to me?" he had piqued her curiosity. She hadn't expected to see him here, let alone hear this from him. John nodded, his eyes dusky with unspoken emotion.
"I want you to come and stay, come and live at the loft," he told her. "I want to look after you, I want to make everything alright baby."
"You do?" her voice cracked slightly. "John...I thought...."
"It'll be okay," he smiled as he brushed the lank hair from her face. Lying like this was making him feel sick to his soul, but he had no other choice. "I promise I'll take care of you."
"I love you John," she whispered, a stray tear dripping off her cheek. "I thought I'd lost you forever."
"I love *you* baby," he replied with feeling as he laid a hand on Kristen's stomach. Think of the baby. Talk to your baby. It was the only way he could get through this. "I'll take care of you from now on. You won't ever be alone again."
"That sounds wonderful." Kristen laid her hand over his. Any thoughts of Marlena Evans seemed to have totally vanished from her mind. John really loved her. How could she have doubted it? "The doctors say that our baby will be okay honey. We can really be a family."
"So that's a yes?" John asked her, feeling some measure of relief that he seemed to have fooled her. "You'll come and live with me?"
"Yes I'll come and live with you," Kristen nodded weakly, finding the strength to smile. "I'd love nothing better."
From the doorway, Mike watched John lean over and brush his lips across Kristen's forehead. He felt for the man, anyone could see how much he loved Marlena. Anyone but Kristen Blake it seemed. He gave a silent sigh and shook his head. He could only hope that they had made the right decision. If they hadn't, what had just transpired could be disastrous. For everyone.
Marlena yawned as she wiped the warm cloth over her face. Shaking the hair from around her neck, she ran the damp cloth over her skin before she dropped it and picked up a bottle of moisturizer. Slathering a good dollop on her palm, she worked it into the skin that she had just rinsed.
"They're asleep," Gene said from the doorway of the bathroom before he came up behind her. With a small smile, she leaned back against him as he threaded his arms around her waist.
"That didn't take long," she murmured as she watched him sink his nose into her hair.
"Mmmm-mmmm," he shook his head, breathing in the fresh, clean fragrance of her hair.
"Well, if they're anything like as tired as I am, then I guess I shouldn't be surprised," she said through another yawn. "I don't know what's wrong with me."
"It's been a long day," Q turned her around in his arms and smiled as she slid her arms around his neck. "Having the kids back is bound to take a toll."
"Well, if you didn't keep me up so late it probably wouldn't be a problem," Marlena teased him.
"Am I hearing a complaint?" he raised his eyebrows, "if so, it's the first one."
"Well now," Marlena planted a soft kiss on his neck, "would I complain?"
"I don't think I should answer that question," he grinned as she tried, unsuccessfully to suppress another yawn. "C'mon you. Bed time."
Without warning he bent down and scooped her up in his arms, carrying her back into the bedroom where he deposited her on the bed.
"I'll see you in the morning," he kissed her softly as he pulled the comforter up over her.
"Wait, where are you going?" she asked, her eyes wide with surprise.
"To my own bed," he gave her a rueful smile. "I think that if the children found me in *this* bed in the morning, that might take more than a little explaining."
"Oh," Marlena looked crestfallen for a moment, but then brightened as she caught his hand in hers. "Well, it's not morning now is it?"
"Sweetheart, you don't have to make this any harder than it already is," he lifted her hand and leaned over to kiss it.
"It doesn't have to be hard," she said fiercely, her eyes suddenly darkening. "Please don't leave me Gene, I...." she swallowed, "I just don't want to be alone right now."
At that moment, something in her face sparked a growing sense of disquiet within Q and he pulled her into a hug. She clung to him for a moment, burying her face in his chest, unwilling, or unable to face the unnamed fears which haunted her.
"I won't leave you," he whispered gently. "I'm right here."
Finally, he felt her head nod slightly and she pulled away so that he could climb under the covers with her. Once there, she melted into his arms again, taking comfort from the warmth of his breath against her skin.
"I love you," she murmured, but instead of relieving the unease she felt, the words only served to intensify it.
"I love you too," he replied, and she wondered if he felt it too.
But instead of asking, she just moved closer and closed her eyes.
Gene's arms tightened around her and he kissed the bangs that feathered her forehead. He hated seeing her like this, so alone and vulnerable. When even his presence couldn't extinguish the desolation that crept into her eyes. She sighed and relaxed slightly in his arms and he held her against him.
Maybe he could just stay until she fell asleep....
Put time in a capsule
Two minds consensual
Entwined to perfection, If we could....
Cuddle up close, lay on my chest
Listen, my heart beat's coming down
If you get tired, you close your eyes now.
When you wake, I won't be found now
Universe
Savage Garden
It was several days later, while Marlena was at work that her agitation returned. She couldn't really pinpoint the moment that it happened. It just seemed that one moment she was immersed in her paperwork, and the next her concentration was shattered.
She had no idea why or how; all she knew was that every time she looked at the notes in front of her, they seemed to swim out of focus. And when she *could* tackle the task before her, she found herself reading the same sentence over and over again.
Sighing, she slipped off her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose. This was ridiculous. She couldn't let a mere suggestion of a feeling interfere with her work. She had a stack of papers to get through and several patients to see before she could end the day. She was a grown woman after all, surely she could control her emotions a little better than this.
Getting up from her desk, she stretched and went to pour herself a glass of water. Taking a sip, she went to the window. Outside the wind was gusting, sending a sheet of newspaper skittering across the road in front of a car. In the parking lot, a nurse struggled with the coat that whipped around her ankles.
Marlena rubbed her hand up and down her arm, warding off a sympathetic chill and she turned from the window. Surely, she was just being oversensitive, and probably a little paranoid. After all, her past gave her some cause to be over-cautious. But still, everything was fine and she had no reason to think anything otherwise.
John stood by while the nurse helped Kristen out of the bed. Mike looked at the man and he was struck by how much John looked as though he were approaching a death sentence. He just hoped that Kristen didn't see the same thing he did. He suspected she wouldn't however.
John's offer the other day seemed to have made the world of difference to Kristen's demeanour and she seemed perfectly content to believe whatever line John was feeding her. Mike frowned as he watched Kristen smile up at John. He knew this was the only way, but he really dreaded the day that Kristen found out what was really going on. That day might be the day they all found they had a new enemy. A woman scorned could be deadly.
Especially if she was a DiMera.
John took Kristen's hand.
"Are you ready to go baby?" he asked in a soft voice.
"I sure am," she grinned excitedly. This was more than she ever could have hoped for and she wasn't going to blow it this time.
"Well, it seems as if the nurses here have all your things packed. Peter is going to have the flowers brought over to the loft, so all you have to do is have Mike check you over and then you can get changed."
Mike stepped forward.
"The ultrasounds and the bloodwork all check out fine. I just have a couple more tests to be completed and I want to give you one last physical okay? It shouldn't take long." He turned to John, not wanting to put him through more than was necessary. "John, can I ask you to wait in the lounge? I'll have a nurse call you when Kristen is ready to go."
John nodded, relieved to be given the opportunity to slip away, and he leaned over to give Kristen a superficial kiss on the cheek.
"I'll be just down the hall if you need me okay?"
"Sure," Kristen nodded her head, but clutched at his hand, her bony fingers a painful reminder of the hold she had over him, "just don't go far okay?"
He faked a smile and nodded before he left the room, escaping the numbing reality of his decision, if only momentarily.
Marlena reviewed the file in front of her. Elenora Briant seemed to be doing much better, but Marlena was still worried about her patient. She had been released from hospital several days earlier and was under Marlena's care but she didn't seem to be responding to the medication that had been prescribed.
Marlena sighed and looked down at the notes in front of her. She wondered if it might be appropriate to change the medication this early in treatment. She was loathe to do so, but she didn't want to risk Elenora regressing to the state that had landed her in the hospital. She looked at the file again. She could do with a second opinion.
She pushed herself away from the desk and picked up the file. Checking that her pager was on, she set off to find Laura Horton.
Mike hooked his stethoscope back around his neck and looked at Kristen's chart.
"Well, you seem to be much better Kristen," he looked up at her expectant face. "The baby seems to be doing fine, your blood pressure is a little elevated, but nothing to worry about for now."
"I promise to get plenty of rest Doctor," she grinned.
"Well, that and don't forget your counseling has been scheduled for twice a week," he handed her a clipboard which held her release forms. "It is a condition of your release."
"I know," she signed the form with a flourish, "though I really don't know why, because I'm just fine now. Now that I'm back with John, things couldn't be better." She flashed him another smile that reminded him of a predatory alligator, and he felt a pang of sympathy for John. "But if it makes you doctors happy, I'll do it."
"Good," he took the papers from her, almost glad to be relieved of the responsibility for her. The less he had to do with the DiMera's, the happier he was. "Well.... I'll leave you to get changed. Margaret has put your clothes on the chair over there."
"Thanks Mike," she said as she followed him to the door, "thanks... for everything." Mike merely nodded before he left the room.
Outside, he shook his head. He didn't know how he was going to manage to carry on this charade. He knew that John had his reasons for not telling Marlena the truth, and for the most part, he could understand them, but it didn't make the lies any easier.
Back in the small room, Kristen turned back to the chair with a thoughtful air. She had an idea that Mike had had more to do with John's return to her side than any of them were letting on. And part of her wondered why he, Marlena's friend, would do that. Still, she didn't really care why John had come back; all that was important was that he was hers again. And this time, she wasn't letting him go.
It was John that saw Marlena first when she walked into the staff lounge. She was busy making notes on her file and it was the longest moment before she looked up. And yet, instead of using that moment to collect himself, John found that he could not stop staring at her.
She was dressed in a royal blue suit, her hair falling about her shoulders in a golden cascade. Her gold-rimmed glasses sat low on the bridge of her nose, and he watched her push them up with her index finger, the familiar motion rending what felt like a wound in his heart. He couldn't even count the number of times when she was staying with them, that he would just sit and watch her work. And always, sooner or later, her glasses would slip and she would push them up with the tip of her finger. It was odd how such a small gesture could draw out such pain and such tenderness.
For her part, it was when she put down the file to pour herself a coffee that she found herself looking into John's bottomless indigo eyes. Unprepared for the unutterable panic she felt, her first instinct was to flee. Yet, gathering all the self-control she had, she continued to pour the coffee.
"John," she prayed that her voice would not betray her the way her body did. "I didn't expect to see you here." Her voice was mercifully steady, but hand was shaking as she poured. When she finally felt that she had the composure to turn back to him, he seemed not to have noticed.
"Oh, I just came by to pick up something," he said dismissively. The truth was that he had noticed her unease, but he was having a hard enough time being in the same room with her himself. The fact that his heart seemed to be beating ten times faster and louder than normal wasn't helping. His face burned as he leaned back against the wall.
"Oh," she nodded her head uncomfortably, the sight of his weary, bearded face disconcerting her. "I was looking for Laura."
"I haven't seen her," John offered, unable to take his eyes off her. "Sorry."
"That's okay," her voice came out half-strangled and she silently damned the treachery of her own body. "I, ah, I'd better go find her," she turned, snatching up the file and pacing herself to the door.
"Marlena," his voice stopped her as she reached for the doorknob. She closed her eyes, swallowing, blazes of anguish lancing through her. She desperately wanted to be anywhere but here right now. She had never imagined that she would feel this much pain on seeing him, and she just wanted to get away.
Grasping the doorknob with a whitened fist, she slowly turned around.
"You look beautiful," he said quietly, unable to help himself. She always did of course, but there was something about her today....
"John, I..." she wanted to tell him that wasn't exactly the most appropriate thing to say, but when she met his intense gaze, she found she couldn't. She just felt helplessly impaled by his stare. Finally, she found her voice again. "I have to go."
She jerked the door open in her haste to get out of the room, and almost ran square into Mike Horton.
"Sorry Mike," she muttered in a low voice before side stepping him. He watched her go and then turned to John.
"What was that about?" his tone held an accusatory quality. John shrugged his shoulders wearily.
"Apparently I can't even give her a compliment these days without upsetting her," he muttered bitterly.
"She looked a little more than simply *upset* John," Mike countered, his eyebrows raised.
"How am I supposed to know what goes on in her mind?" John became defensive. "She barely talks to me any more."
"Well maybe if you tried telling her the truth..." Mike suggested with a defeated sigh.
"You know I can't do that," John sank into a chair and dropped his forehead into his hands. "I can't risk Kristen finding out the truth, I just can't."
"The truth about what John?" the voice came from the doorway.
Marlena locked the door of her office behind her and leaned against it, battling to regain control. She hated that she was so weak where he was concerned but there seemed to be no way to combat it. She had to just get through it and then fight back. She gulped down several breaths, trying to regain the wind that had been knocked out of her, both from seeing and John, and that she had lost in the flight to her office.
And then the edges of her vision began to blur and as the office in front of her began to swim, she felt the blackness beckoning. Part of her wanted to accept the blackness, to welcome anything that blotted out the turmoil she felt, yet her instinct wouldn't let her do it.
Instead, she made several faltering steps to the couch before sinking into it's welcoming embrace. Leaning over so that she was double, she took deep, calming breaths, fighting off the bleakness that waited to capture her. She couldn't let herself give in to the pain. She had gotten this far, she had fought this hard. She wouldn't fall now.
Straightening up, she stood and went to the mirror. She was pale but when she brushed her hair back into place, she looked presentable.
"Stupid," she said to her reflection fiercely, "you're being foolish." She couldn't let John get to her like that. It was over after all, she had no right to feel upset or hurt. Just as he had no right to tell her she looked beautiful. What the hell does he want from me?
She shook her head and straightened the lapels of her suit. Whatever games John was playing she just had to forget them. She had to pull herself together, she had patients to see and she wanted to be of some use to them.
"The truth about what?" Peter repeated. John looked up in horror at Kristen's brother. If he found out the truth about the baby, he would surely go to Kristen herself.
"I...." He cast around for something that might sound halfway plausible. "Ah, it's a surprise I have for her at the loft. I didn't want her to find out about it before she gets there."
"A surprise?" Peter sounded extremely sceptical.
"Mmm-hmmm," John stood, putting him on a more equal footing with the large DiMera. "A kind of a welcome home surprise."
"One that you can't *risk* her finding out about, is that it?" Peter narrowed his eyes. Black had always been a useless liar. That had not changed. He just couldn't understand why Kristen couldn't see that.
"Pretty much, uh-huh," John nodded his head. "In fact, if you'll excuse me, I had better go and collect Kristen now so we can be on our way."
He pushed past Peter, not giving him a chance to grill him any further. Peter turned to look at his ex-brother in law and raised his eyebrow.
"If he's lying...." he hissed, "I'll make sure you all pay."
On his way to Kristen's room, John pulled out his cell phone and instructed Nicole to have balloons, a cake and whatever else she thought appropriate, waiting at the loft when he and Kristen arrived. Nicole thought it was pretty odd, especially considering he had only had Kristen's stuff moved *out* of his loft a week or so ago. But then, she was paid to do a job and not ask questions, so she patiently listened and then carried out his orders, however strange she thought they were.
Getting to Kristen's room, John slipped the phone into his pocket and entered the room.
"Ready to go Kristen?" he asked patiently.
"As I'll ever be," she smiled, hooking an arm through his. "Let's go home honey."
Marlena was finishing up her files for the day when she realized that she hadn't managed to find Laura. Elenora's file sat untouched on her desk and she tapped her pen on it as she chewed on her lip. Picking up the telephone receiver, she dialed Laura's extension. After several rings, it transferred over to the nurses station, and Marlena politely explained that she would find Dr. Horton later.
She thought about it a little more, and deciding it could wait until tomorrow, she jotted a memo to Laura. Stacking up the files on one side and the memos on the other, she took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes. It had been a long, long day.
It didn't take her long to get ready to go home and she dropped the files with Hillary on her way out. As was her usual habit, she stopped by the nurses station to pick up any messages, to drop off her outgoing memos and let the nurses know her schedule for the following day. Setting her briefcase down on the floor, she leafed through the messages, several from patients and one from Carrie. She would call her stepdaughter when she got home.
The scent of freesias caught her attention as a young deliveryman stopped beside her, the large arrangement of flowers drawing the attention of Jocelyn Adams, the nurse on duty.
"Delivery for a...." he looked at the tag, "a Kristen Blake?"
"Oh, I think you missed her by about an hour or so,' the nurse consulted her notes, "but there's a forward address here, 25 River Street. I guess that's where you'll find her."
"Thanks, I appreciate it," the young man nodded before slipping off toward the elevators.
Jocelyn turned to the woman on her right and was immediately concerned.
"Dr. Evans, are you all right?" she looked to Jocelyn like she was about to throw up.
"Huh?" Marlena looked up, the worried face in front of her somehow bolstering her strength. "Sure, I'm fine." She managed a strained smile as she picked up her briefcase and pushed her handbag up over his shoulder.
"Are you sure?" the nurse persisted. "You look awfully pale. Maybe you should sit down."
"I'm perfectly fine thank you," Marlena said frostily, her anger growing. Seeing the look on the young woman's face she added softly, "thanks for your concern Jocelyn."
Jocelyn nodded and watched Marlena walk to the elevator.
"Perfectly fine my arse," she muttered to herself before she turned back to the desk and realized Marlena had left her messages behind.
By the time Marlena made it to her car, she was almost shaking with fury. River St. John's loft. He had moved Kristen into the loft, after everything he had said, all the anger that he had expressed at the other woman, all the love he had declared for her.
She shook her head; she really didn't know why she was so surprised. She should really have guessed it the moment she saw Kristen up there with him. He certainly hadn't waited long. All his protestations of love and fidelity, it seemed, had meant nothing in the end.
She clutched the steering wheel as she remembered the last card he had sent her, the one she had memorized within seconds. The one whose savage irony would be painfully etched into her memory for all time.
There will never be another woman for me, You are my partner and my soulmate...
*I will wait for you if it takes forever, and beyond*
John
"Or until your bed gets cold," she voiced bitterly. And he still had the nerve to tell her she looked beautiful, even as he was getting ready to take Kristen home. "You bastard!" she hit the steering wheel with the heel of her hand, tears glittering in her eyes. How *dare* he?
Clenching her jaw, she made a conscious decision to forget about John. He wasn't worth worrying about, and she had people at home who were worth the love and concern. Even as she made it into her own building, she didn't think to wonder why it was that Kristen needed John to take her home from hospital. On a subconscious level, she might have supposed that it was something to do with the baby but by then, she had all but put John out of her mind.
"Are you comfortable?" John tucked the blanket around Kristen's legs where she was sitting on the couch.
"I'm wonderful," she smiled, playing with the fur of one of the stuffed toys that had been waiting for them upon their arrival. "Thank you John, for everything you've done."
He smiled at her from the bench.
"I'd do anything for you baby," he said, almost choking on the words. "You know that."
"I know that," she nodded. "Come and sit with me sweetheart."
"I..." his eyes desperately searched the kitchen for an excuse to stay away from her. "I have to clean up around here first."
"Forget that," she entreated. "Please baby, it's our first night back together. I just want to be with you."
Feeling like he had no choice, John nodded and trudged over to the sofa. Kristen shifted slightly, allowing him a place to sit. Then she leaned back against him.
"Oh, this is wonderful." She turned to smile up at him. "I missed this so much. Did you?"
"Mmm-hmmm," he forced a smile, sending a silent plea to God to give him the strength to get through this ordeal. For if there were such a thing as penance, he was surely paying it.
It was after the children had gone to bed and they were watching television that Eugene finally turned to Marlena.
"So, are you going to tell me what's wrong?"
"What's wrong?" she seemed genuinely confused.
"You've barely said two words all night," he raised his eyebrows, "not even to the children."
"Oh, " she looked a little surprised. "I didn't realize...."
"What is it Marlena?" his hands caught hers. "Please tell me what's wrong."
"It's nothing," she shook her head and then smiled, loosening her hand and running her thumb over his cheek. He didn't hide his disbelief. "I had a problem at work," she admitted, "but it's not something I can talk about." It wasn't *strictly true, but it was as close as she could get without giving him cause to grill her further. She couldn't deal with that now, and she didn't think he really needed to know anyway. She'd hurt enough people already.
"And anyway," an impish grin slid onto her lips, "there are things that I would rather do than talk about work." She dropped her hand to his knee and let it slide upwards a way. Eugene had to clear his throat.
"Oh?" he knew she was playing him, but he couldn't resist that smile. That was what she was counting on of course, but if she was resorting to underhanded tactics, who was he to argue?
"Oh yes," her smile grew as she edged toward him.
"And what sort of things did you have in mind doctor?" he sat back as she shifted so that she was sitting on his knees. Ever so slowly, she slid her arms around his neck and leaned close.
"Why don't you let me show you," she whispered before catching him with hungry lips.
"I'm all for that," he finally answered when she let him go, and before she could say another word, he picked her up and carried her up the steps.
They spent the night making love, soft and slow and infinitely sweet, totally unaware of what lay in wait for them just around the corner......
Gene awakened early the next morning and lay there, simply watching Marlena sleep. She was half on her stomach, and her hair was tousled from the night's sleep. She wore a white, lacy nightgown that she had slipped on after their lovemaking the night before, 'just in case' she said. One gauzy strap had slipped off a lightly freckled shoulder during the night and he had to fight the urge to undress her completely. Instead he watched her, fascinated by the way her chest rose and fell with even the lightest of breaths. Dark lashes fanned over her cheeks, trembling every so often as she slowly rose out of her dream state.
With a small smile, he leaned to brush his lips slowly across her exposed shoulder, and watched as her eyelids slowly fluttered open. It took her a moment to gain her bearings.
"Hi," she breathed sleepily.
"Hi beautiful," he winked at her with a grin, "sleep well?"
"Mmmmm," she closed her eyes again and stretched languorously. "Marvelously."
"Good," he continued to watch her as she turned over, exposing the creamy skin of her cleavage.
"Did you sleep well?" she asked as she ran her fingers through her hair, brushing it from her face.
"Mmmm-hmmmm," he ran his hand down the satin of her gown, over the curve of her hip.
Marlena smiled, her honey-coloured eyes never leaving his. Reaching down, she caught his hand with hers and she drew it upward, planting a soft kiss in his palm and then seductively kissing the tip of each finger. Gene closed his eyes, trying to ignore the effect that she was having on him. He knew what her intention was, but there was too much risk involved.
"I think I'd better go and get us some coffee," he suggested, pulling away from her slightly.
"Spoilsport," her eyes were alive with amusement.
"*Someone* has to be sensible around here," he desperately didn't want to be that person, but it looked like he had no choice.
"They do?" her fingers slipped around his neck and he felt her curves melt against him.
"They do....oh," her lips were on him, devouring his neck. It was a moment before he could collect himself enough to push her away. "Marlena, the children could wake any minute."
"Oh," her shoulders fell as his words brought her back to reality. "Of course you're right," she looked up at him apologetically. "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking."
"Don't be sorry," he grinned, "I rather like it."
"You do?" the grin returned to her face.
"I do." He kissed her gently
"Just don't be long will you?" her fingers brushed at his unruly hair, the smile on her face enticing.
"I won't," he kissed her again, "I promise."
Taking his leave, he departed the bedroom. He passed the children's bedrooms and was pleased to see that they were still fast asleep. Quietly, he padded downstairs and made his way to the kitchen. With practiced ease, he filled the percolator and switched it on.
"Well, isn't this just *peachy*," Q whirled at the sound of the derisive tone and find himself face to face with Q2. Q2 simply grinned in his laconic way. "Oh Q. You're a bad, bad, *naughty* Q."
Carrie awoke with the nausea. Another trip to the bathroom was enough to convince her that she was not yet over the morning sickness, and even as she got ready for work, she found that she could not stifle the threatening illness.
"Oh God," she whispered plaintively as she ran again for the bathroom. Austin watched her go, seemingly unmoved by her plight. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he dropped his head into his hands and wondered what the hell he was going to do.
That was how Carrie found him when she emerged.
"Austin?" she asked carefully.
"What?" his voice was curt. Carrie snapped her head back at his tone, wondering what was wrong now.
"I just thought maybe something was wrong," she said nervously.
"Yes something's *wrong*," Austin seemed even more angry than usual. "*Everything* is wrong Carrie. Everything is wrong. Your sister can't even seem to buy herself a life, we have no money and an unwanted baby on the way and you want to know what the hell is *wrong*?" He slammed his hand down on the dresser. "Christ Carrie, what the hell do you want from me?"
Carrie stared at him for a moment in shock and then the dam burst.
"What do I *want*?" Incredulity was written all over her face. "I *want* you to love me. I *want* you to stand by me. I *want* you to be the husband that I *married* dammit." Tears trickled down her face. "Is that too much to ask?"
Austin was silent.
"Well, obviously it is," she answered her own question bitterly as she snatched up her coat. "I'll guess I'll see you at work." Her heels clicked quickly against the cold, hard floor as she rushed to the door, slamming it closed behind her. Austin's shoulders slumped and he shook his head. What a mess.
Marlena rolled over and looked at the clock, frowning when she saw the time. What was taking him so long? Surely it didn't take *that* long to make a couple of cups of coffee...
She deliberated for several more minutes before she sat up with a smile, deciding that maybe it wouldn't be so bad to help him 'make coffee'. She slid her legs out of the bed and pulled on a robe over her nightgown. Quietly, she exited the bedroom and quietly made her way down the staircase. Trying to make as little noise as possible, she pushed open the kitchen door.
To her disappointment, he wasn't there. Her eyes flicked around the empty kitchen and then she turned to regard the living room.
"Gene?" she called softly. There was no answer.
"*Gene?*" she could feel her heart begin to pound as the adrenaline kicked in. Something was wrong. He should have been right *there*. "Gene. Please, this isn't funny."
There was no answer and she searched the living room and kitchen again. Becoming more frantic, she found the guest bathroom empty and a quick scan of the upstairs revealed no Eugene. She found herself back in the kitchen moments later, her hand over her mouth as she desperately looked for a note, some clue as to why he had gone. Something. *Anything*.
"*Gene*." she cried, her voice already fraught with desolation. "Gene, please," a sob choked her words. "Please don't do this to me."
But deep down, she knew it was already too late.
He was gone.
******
Carrie rode the lift, her hand protectively over her stomach. She couldn't think of anywhere else to go, anyone else to talk to. The lift lurched to a halt, the door sliding clumsily open so that she could exit. Pausing in front of the door, she looked down at her slightly swelling stomach.
"Okay baby," she whispered. "This is it."
Raising her hand, she knocked briskly.
The knocking finally penetrated the numbness that surrounded Marlena, and wiping her eyes, she pushed herself up from the couch. Dully, she made her way to the door and punched in the combination for the alarm. Twisting the doorknob slowly, she opened the door.
"Marlena?" Carrie was immediately concerned. Despite her own problems, she could see that something was very wrong. Marlena seemed completely at sea and her eyes were rimmed with red as though she had been crying. "Marlena, what's wrong?"
Marlena looked up at her, almost seeming surprised.
"Nothing's wrong sweetie," she forced a smile, "Nothing important."
"Marlena," Carrie wasn't fooled easily, she had lived with Marlena for too many years to fall for her lines. "Something is wrong and I want to know what it is."
"Carrie honey," Marlena laughed lightly, burying her own predicament to make room for Carrie's. "Really, you're here early. There must be something that you wanted to talk to me about. Let's deal with that instead of bothering with my boring problems."
"Are you sure?" Carrie didn't want to burden her, but as was usual with Marlena, she was more interested in helping other people than helping herself.
"I'm sure, I'm sure" Marlena lead Carrie to the couch and sat down beside her. "Now tell me what the problem is sweetie girl."
Now that she was here, Carrie didn't know where to start. She had rehearsed the words on the way over, but now they all sounded hollow and infused with paranoia. She twisted her wedding ring as she tried to find a way to begin.
"Honey," Marlena offered gently, "just say it. They're just words, they can't hurt you."
Carrie pressed her lips together and looked up to sympathetic eyes.
"There's something I haven't told you Marlena," she said quietly. "I found out a few weeks ago, but Austin didn't want to tell me to tell anyone." She took a deep breath. "I'm going to have a baby."
"A baby?" Marlena breathed. "Carrie, that's wonderful news."
"You think so?" Carrie brightened but then her mood dove again. "I think so too, but Austin seems to have different ideas."
"Austin?" Marlena shook her head, "Austin's not happy about the baby?"
"Oh Marlena," Carrie wiped her hand across her forehead, "he's anything *but*."
"Has he given you any reason why he's upset?" Marlena asked, pulling her robe closer around her.
"Well, the pregnancy wasn't planned," Carrie admitted, "and he keeps saying that we can't afford a baby and we're not ready for the responsibility of a child," she sighed. "I just don't understand him Marlena. Six months ago, he was eager to have a child. Now it seems it's just another burden to him, that *I'm* a burden to him." Her eyes glimmered with misery. "I've tried to talk to him about it, but he either brushes me off, or he's downright hurtful about it."
"Do you have any idea why he might be reacting this way?" Marlena asked. Carrie shook her head.
"I just can't fathom it. It makes absolutely no sense."
"And you've tried to talk to him. More than once?"
"I've tried to talk to him....I can't even *count* the number of times. Mostly it just ends up the same," she wiped away the falling tears, "He's angry with me and I end up crying."
"Oh honey," Marlena had experienced the unyielding anger of a husband before and she knew how hard it was to deal with. "I'm sorry this has been so tough. I can see how miserable it's making you. I just wish you'd come to me a little sooner."
"I really didn't think that it would last this long," Carrie pulled a tissue from the box on the table and dabbed at her eyes. "I didn't expect him to behave like this, I really just don't understand....I don't understand *him* any more."
Marlena put her hands over Carrie's trembling fingers.
"I'm so sorry sweetie, I wish this were easier for you. This should be the happiest time of your life." Carrie nodded a slight smile on her face.
"I *am* happy Marlena, I want this baby more than anything," her demeanour became dejected again, "I just wish that Austin felt the same way."
Marlena squeezed Carrie's hand in support. Thoughtfully she pursed her lips.
"Well honey, it seems that you know what *you* want. Maybe it's time that you give Austin the opportunity to figure out what is really important to him."
"What do you mean?" Carrie seemed confused.
"I mean," Marlena drew back and crossed her leg under her, "I mean that I think maybe Austin needs some space and some time to re-evaluate his feelings. Maybe he's too close to the situation to be able to see what is *really* important."
"And how do you propose that happens?" Carrie leant her head on one side.
"Well, I think that maybe you should consider going away," Marlena held her hand up, to stall any protests from Carrie. "I mean just for a few days. You need to know where you stand honey. You need his full support, not his condemnation. You can't carry on living like that."
"But what if he decides that he can't deal with this, that it's just too much?" Carrie wasn't sure if she could go through this pregnancy alone.
"Then you have your family," Marlena reached out and brushed her fingers under Carrie's chin. "I don't think I've ever known a stronger young woman than you. We all love you so *much* sweetie girl, and we'll all be here to help you through. Whatever you need, we'll be here for you."
"Thank you Marlena," Carrie's eyes brimmed. Far from the reproach she had been subjected to for the last few weeks, the love and comfort she felt coming from Marlena fortified her strength and made her feel as if she could get through this, no matter what. "I can always rely on you to come through for me, no matter what."
"Oh well," Marlena looked slightly embarrassed and a slight blush crept into her cheeks, "I just want you to be happy honey."
"I know you do," Carrie covered Marlena's upper hand with her own, "I could always count on you to have my best interests at heart. You never had ulterior motives." She smiled warmly at the woman next to her. "I really appreciate that."
"Oh Carrie," Marlena shook her head. "I love you so much. I just want you to have all the happiness you deserve."
"I want that for you too." Carrie looked around the penthouse. "If anyone deserves happiness, it's you." Marlena said nothing for a moment but just shrugged dimly.
"Marlena, where's Eugene?" Carrie had gotten used to seeing him around the penthouse in the last few months and suddenly his absence seemed strange. She knew it was early but for some reason, it struck her as odd. However, she didn't expect her question to evoke quite the reaction that it did.
"I..." Marlena shrugged, tears rising, "I don't know."
"You don't know?" Carrie frowned.
"I came downstairs and he was just.... he was just gone," the dammed tears began to break free and warning bells began to ring for Carrie.
"Marlena, you and Eugene.....?" she stopped short, answering her own question with a start. "Oh Marlena, I had no idea."
Marlena brushed angrily at the unwelcome tears with the back of her fingers, but unable to look at Carrie, she dropped her forehead into her hand.
"Do you have any idea where he might be?" Carrie asked gently, realizing that there was more to Marlena's distress than she could immediately divine.
Finally, Marlena looked up. With reddened eyes, she shook her head, looking for all the world like a lost child.
"He...he said he was coming down to get coffee," she said in a small voice.
"And?" Carrie pressed.
"And.... Well, he's not here is he?" she was defensive.
"Maybe he just went out to pick up some milk or something?" Carrie suggested. Marlena shook her head.
"He would have told me. He would have left a note. *Something*." She pushed herself up from the sofa, the white robe floating after her as she walked across the room. "It doesn't matter," she said listlessly.
"Of course it *matters*," Carrie followed her to the window. "I wish you'd stop acting like what happens to you is unimportant, Marlena. I *love* you. You're more of a mother to me than Anna *ever* was and I can't bear to see you miserable."
"Oh Carrie," Marlena turned around with a sad smile. "Thank you." She pulled Carrie into a hug. "But really honey, I'll be just fine."
Carrie said nothing, but she bit her lip in concern. It was so like Marlena to minimize her traumas, but Carrie had no idea how to break through that wall that she put up.
"Why don't I," she said thoughtfully, stepping back, "take the kids over to Granma and Granpa's. Maybe you could use some time alone?" She didn't really think that Marlena could handle Belle and Brady in this state.
"Oh could you?" Marlena managed a self-effacing smile. "I would *really* appreciate that." Her words were soft and Carrie simply smiled and hugged her.
"Leave it to me," she said before heading upstairs.
It didn't take long before she was herding the young children out of the apartment. Marlena stood at the doorway and waved them goodbye.
"You take care," Carrie told her gently as she hugged her.
"I will," Marlena smiled jadedly. "Call me if you need me okay?"
"And you call me if *you* need *me*," Carrie's reply was pointed, but she knew as soon as Marlena nodded that she would not. She just prayed that everything would be okay, that whatever was going on would not be the thing that would finally break her adored stepmother.
Shooing the children before her, she entered the lift and watched Marlena as the door closed. Forcing a smile, she looked down at the kids.
"Okay munchkins," she mussed Belle's hair, "Who's for pancakes at Granma's?"
Marlena waited for the last glimpse of the children and then closed the door. Emotionally numb, she walked back the sofa and threw herself down. She couldn't even cry any more, she just felt so incredibly defeated. He had promised her he wouldn't leave her, and she had believed him. Like she always did, the fool that she was.
Lethargically, she scanned the room, her mind almost devoid of thought. But when she closed her eyes, she could feel Gene's last warm kiss on her lips and the tears started to come once again. So instead, she chose to focus on the conversation with Carrie, running it back through her mind. Concentrating on Carrie's problems seemed to relieve the preoccupation with her own situation, and she needed that right now.
She was almost as surprised as Carrie had been at Austin's reaction to the pregnancy. It didn't seem typical of Austin. As far as she knew, the young man doted on Will. It seemed as if maybe there was more going on than she, or maybe even Carrie, knew. Austin Reed warranted further investigation and, if Carrie did what she suggested and went away for a few days, she might just undertake that task herself.
Allowing herself a small smile, she thought about Carrie's announcement. A baby! Perhaps she should have known, there was just that ethereal hint of *something* about the young woman. The almost glowing complexion, the slight but tell-tale swell of her belly...
Abruptly, Marlena' stomach knotted in near panic.
The slight but tell-tale swell of her belly...
*NO*. Immediately, her mind flitted back over the previous months and she did a quick mental calculation. Feeling ill with nervousness, she pushed herself off the couch and went over to the mirror. No, it can't *be*. Her hand swept down over the soft curve of her own stomach and she turned to the side.
The clothes she had bought with Eugene in New York, they had all been a size larger but she had put it down to a simple weight gain. No more, no less. A sign of good living, she had laughed. She looked at herself in the mirror in shock. All this time? Surely, she would have known.
Her heart thumped with cold precision as her eyes searched her reflection for any possible repudiation. But finally, lifting them to their own amber likeness, she knew the unassailable truth.
Carrie wasn't the only one who was going to have a baby.....
John gazed into space, a little disoriented. He had slept maybe an hour of the night before, after trying to convince Kristen, in vain that he should sleep in the spare room. His only relief had been at dawn when he had slipped out of bed and headed downstairs. Now, on his fifth or sixth cup of coffee, he was waiting for Peter to come and pick up Kristen.
He had forgotten, until Kristen told him this morning that they went monthly to lay flowers on the memorial of their mother. Today was that day and as much as John felt guilty for it, he thanked God that he could have a couple of hours of solitude.
Opening the drawer of his desk, he pulled out a carefully hidden picture of Marlena and Belle. Propping the frame up on the desk in front of him, he stared at it. He was so lost in the curve of Marlena's cheek that he didn't hear Kristen come up behind him.
"Whatchya got there honey?" she poked him teasingly in the ribs, and he almost lost his coffee.
"Kristen!" he felt like he was on the verge of exploding, but he bit back his anger. That wouldn't help now. "It's just an old photo," he muttered quickly.
"Oh," her response was measured as he turned from the photo. "I guess you miss Belle and Brady huh? You know honey, we should have them over to stay for a while." She grinned wickedly. "I'm sure Marlena and Eugene would appreciate the privacy."
"Excuse me?" John's face darkened.
"Well you know," Kristen pulled on her coat and looped a scarf around her neck as she spoke. "Now that they're *together*, so to speak." She grinned excitedly unable to resist the urge to rub salt in the wound. John needed to realize that he could not, and never would have Marlena. "I saw them at the Penthouse Grill you know. While you were away. Gosh," she crossed her arms in front of her. "They looked *so* happy and in love. I don't think either of them saw anyone else in the whole restaurant. I don't think I've *ever* seen Marlena that contented. You know, I wouldn't be surprised if we hear wedding bells for those two soon."
She sidled up to a stunned John, and slipped her arms around his neck.
"I'm so happy for them," she kissed his inert lips, feeling his tension beneath her ungainly body. "I hope they're as happy as we are." She looked at John inquisitively. "Don't you, honey?" John's attention snapped back to her.
"Huh?"
"I hope that Marlena and Eugene are as happy as we are. Don't you?" she repeated patiently. John looked at her thoughtfully for a moment, his eyebrows raised.
"Yeah," he nodded his head. "Yeah I do."
It is beyond comprehension. There is neither linear time, nor the physical concept of space. It has no dimensions. It just *is*. There is no possible beginning, no conceivable end and no boundaries. And within, defying all laws of energy and universal constants, the Q exist, as one and as many that make up the one.
It was here that Q was brought to stand before the rest of the assembled continuum, Q2 at his back.
"Well Q," a Q appeared before him, in human form. Now that Q was possessed of a mortal body, they found they had little choice but to bring proceedings down to his level. "You're back."
"Through no volition of my own," Q said angrily, shrugging Q2's hand from his shoulder.
"You would do well to show a little humility Q," a disembodied voice warned from nearby.
The Q in front of him, an older man with long, white hair pursed his lips as he sank into a chair.
"You have caused us much consternation," he said, his voice gravelly with age. "You made a deal with the continuum Q, and you breached your end of the bargain."
"I...." Q had no defense. None that he could offer up to this faceless jury. He had spent the past few weeks trying to ignore the impinging possibility...no probability that this would occur. For the most part, he had been successful. But of course, ignorance offered no way out.
"You broke your word Q," Q2's voice came from behind him. "It was your only way back to us."
"We had an agreement," the sad-faced Q before him spoke again. "You return the players to their respective positions in the correct timeline, and we would allow you to return to the continuum."
"So I broke my end of the bargain," Q didn't sound at all repentant, "I don't come back to the continuum. I remain mortal. That's the end of it."
"That is no longer enough," the voice was mellifluous and a young, redheaded woman materialized beside the older Q. "The timeline still needs to be restored. You cannot stay there." Q's heart sank and he swallowed.
"You mean you're going to send me somewhere else?"
"We mean," Q2 stepped out from behind Q, "that you not only broke the rules Q, you contravened everything we were working towards."
"You will not stay, and you will not go." The female Q stepped forward. "You have flouted us one too many times Q. You will not have occasion to again." Q looked at her in confusion and then turned to Q2.
"Sorry old pal," Q2 shrugged, "I did try and warn you."
Marlena pulled the leather gloves off her hands as she entered the elevator. The door ground to a close and she pushed the button for the top floor. It hadn't taken long for her doctor to confirm the pregnancy. She was a little further than three months along but she had known that was the case. There was no way it could be otherwise.
She leaned back against the wall and sighed. How she had missed the signs? Unlike her other pregnancies, she had suffered minimal morning sickness, so that hadn't tipped her off. Even so, looking back now, it was so obvious, but she guessed she hadn't *wanted* to see them. It complicated matters so much more. A pregnancy at her age was the last thing she had expected, or even wanted. Still, she *was* pregnant and there was no changing that fact. She just wondered how John was going to take the news.
Q looked at the sorrowful face of the old man once again and his eyes widened.
So that was it. They were going to destroy him, consign him to oblivion, without so much as a chance to redeem himself. Although he was not entirely sure that he really *wanted* to redeem himself. But if it meant that he could get back to Marlena....
"There is something you do not know Q," Q2 crossed his arms in front of him.
"And what's that?" Q was still openly defiant.
"The woman, Marlena. She is with child." The old Q tapped his hand on the chair.
"Marlena is pregnant?" Q looked at him in shock. He had had no idea.
"The father is John Black." The female Q said with ill-hidden derision. Pregnancy was such a primitive process. "She carries the twin to the child borne by Kristen Blake."
"It restores both children to the timeline," the Q nodded, "but your interference has grave repercussions. Left to their own devices, John and Marlena will remain apart, and unhappy." He sighed solemnly. "Why do you never listen. Q?"
Q said nothing, still, too shocked to quite comprehend what was happening.
"Do you have anything to say on your own behalf?" The old man pushed himself up from the chair with a long and intricately carved staff.
"I....," Q looked around the area before him, shimmering with unworldly colour and managed to formulate a plea. "I wish to ask that you give me a second chance."
"You have already had too many chances Q," a dark-skinned young man spoke curtly from nearby. "This was your last."
"But I know I can do it," he spoke firmly, "I can get them back together."
"Then why haven't you already?" the androgynous voice floated somewhere behind him.
"Because he fell in *love*," the redhead laughed scornfully. To Q, she hissed, "you will *not* keep your word."
"Maybe," a soft, feminine voice came from nearby Q2, "we are being too hard on him." The young Q appeared, holding a longhaired cat in her arms. "Maybe we should hear what he has to say."
"You wish to speak on his behalf?" the old man looked halfway interested.
"I wish to speak on his behalf, yes," the attractive blonde nodded, her green eyes almost as feline as the cat's.
"Alright then," the old man nodded, much to the disapproval of the Q beside him. "You may speak."
"I would like a few moments alone with Q first," she requested, with a smile.
"Granted," the old man sat back down in his chair. "A few moments only and then you will have the opportunity to bargain for his existence."
Marlena stepped out of the elevator and stared at the door to the loft, suddenly and completely nervous. A thousand questions reeled through her mind. How do I tell him? How will he react? Will he be happy? Upset? Angry? If Kristen was there, how did she tell John that she wanted to talk to him in private? Though she had to admit, part of her would love to see Kristen's face when she heard the news, this was something that she needed to do in private.
Part of her didn't want to tell him at all, part of her argued that he didn't deserve to know, after all the pain that he had caused her. But mostly, she knew that he *did* deserve to know. She couldn't deprive him of knowing his child, any more than she could have when she had found out that Belle was his.
"Are we doomed to repeat our mistakes?" she murmured almost inaudibly. She certainly hoped not. The years following Belle's birth had been the darkest of her life. She didn't know if she had the strength to face that sort of pain again. In fact, she was sure she did not.
Taking a deep breath and clutching her purse in front of her, she stepped up to the steel door and knocked sharply. It was a moment before she heard the telltale footsteps behind the barrier.
The heavy door slid jerkily open to reveal an enervated John.
"Marlena." It was obvious that she was the last person he had expected to see and the tension between them was immediately evident.
"John," she tried to smile, but it merely came forth as a twitch of her lips. "I...." He was staring at her, a hunted look in his eyes and it unnerved her. "Can I come in?" John pursed his lips for a moment, looking for all the world as if he wanted to refuse her request.
"Sure," he said finally, moving away from the doorway. "Come in."
She stepped through the doorway, trying to ignore the fact that last time she had been here, she had been intending to declare her love for him. She hoped that this time wouldn't turn out to be such a disaster. She looked around the room as John closed the door behind her. The sight of the balloons and stuffed toys in the living room sent a wrenching pain through her and she felt breathless for a moment.
"Was there something you wanted Marlena?" he sounded so cold and impersonal and for a moment Marlena's instinct was to run. Instead, she turned to face him.
"Yes, there was something," she opened her mouth but the wrong words came out. "How have you been John?" Her voice was so gentle that John felt he could weep. He wanted to take her in his arms and tell her he was never going to let her go. But he couldn't do that. He had to hear her out and then he had to get her out of there.
"I've been fine. Now what was it that you wanted?"
"I..." his iciness hit hard and she found there was nothing left to say, except for what she had come to say. "I came because there's something....something that you need to know John."
"Well you can save your words," John pre-empted her, trying to save himself the pain of hearing it from her own lips. He didn't think he could bear that. "I already know. I hope you'll both be *very* happy." He couldn't help the caustic tone and he turned from her, hating himself for taking out his pain on her.
"*What*?" Marlena had no idea what he was talking about.
"You make quite the couple," he looked back at the photo on the table and Kristen's words echoed in his head. They looked *so* happy and in love. Angrily, he turned back to her. "I'm just surprised I guess that you finally deigned to tell me yourself. After all, it's not like you *owe* me anything is it?"
Marlena felt her own anger begin to rise as she stepped back, on the defensive thanks to his bristling manner.
"*Owe* you? John, what on earth *are* you talking about?"
"Oh come on Marlena," he gave a taut laugh. "Don't try and deny it. It's not like you've exactly made a secret of it now is it?"
"John, I..." her face was burning.
"For God's sake, I *saw* you with him. I saw you *making love* to him. Eugene Bradford. Your good *friend* Eugene." He turned away in disgust.
"You *what*?" Marlena was shocked and appalled at his vitriolic attack. This latest revelation only increased that feeling. But now it was tangled in anger and embarrassment.
"Well, I was a *fool* wasn't I?" He rolled his eyes. "Stupid, deluded *John Black*, actually believing that you might still love me. I came up to your apartment. I came up to see you, to talk to you. But it was late so I let myself in," his eyes flashed dangerously, "only to find that I had been *replaced* in your bed. By Eugene Bradford." He sneered as he said the name, leaving Marlena in no doubts as to his thoughts on her choice.
"You *let* yourself in to my apartment?" Marlena chose to ignore his innuendo for the moment, but his attack provoked her, unleashing an anger which only inflamed the situation. "How *dare* you!"
"How dare *you* bed that man with *my* children only feet away." He hit the counter with his fist, his anger and hurt washing away all reasoning. "They could have walked in on you just like I did."
"And they couldn't have walked in on you and Kristen like *I* did that day in the wine cellar?" Marlena spat back incredulously. "It was the middle of the *night* by your account, and anyway, it's really none of your business what I do in my bedroom any more, *is* it?" Her knuckles were almost white. "You rather gave that right away when you took Kristen back into your life." Glaring at him, she continued, some detached part of her almost surprised that she still carried around this much anger at the past. "You really do have *quite* some nerve John. You have no *right* to call me on improper behaviour after the way you slept your way around that house with that *woman*." Her tone dripped with distaste. There were many words she could use to describe Kristen, but she would not lower herself to that level.
"Kristen has nothing to do with this," John was not entirely convincing.
"Kristen has *everything* to do with this," Marlena banged her purse on the counter next to John's hand. "Or she would do if you didn't have some warped double standard that you think I should live up to. It's okay for you to sleep with Kristen while you fantasize about me, but it's not okay for me to have a relationship with a man I actually happen to care for. Is that it?"
"That's not what I meant," he glared at her furiously. Again it had become less about something she had done than about his faults. "Don't try and twist this around."
"That was *exactly* what you meant," Marlena snapped in a low and acrimonious tone. "Well, I'm sorry I can't canonize your *precious* Kristen for you. I'm not hanging around to be walked all over this time."
John fumed silently. And snatching up her purse again, she headed for the door. Turning around, she added a parting shot as she saw the suitcases by the door.
"I see you've moved her back into the loft. I guess old habits die hard huh?"
"Why do you even care?" he shrugged his shoulders, his eyes febrile and his voice full of hostility. "You have what you want. Another man in your bed. I sure *hope* you're happy with second-best Marlena."
He saw the hot pain sear through her bronze-coloured eyes and he felt it as keenly as if it had been his own. Those eyes glistened for a moment and then she turned on her heel. Wrenching the door open, she left the loft. Left him standing alone.
Left him wondering what in the hell he had just done.
copyright © 1999-2003 by rjy